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James and Amy were young parents trying to put down roots in a large city. James was in sales; Amy had taught school. Now that they had children, they began planning for their children's futures.
Amy wanted her children to enjoy reading books, believing reading would offer them increased benefits throughout their lives. She subscribed to the adage that education, experience and memories can never be taken away from you.
James thought the children might become teachers, although he believed they had to ultimately choose their own professions. If they did what they really wanted to do, their job would be fun and not "work."
Eventually, both children decided to go to college. After high school, they got jobs and saved their money; both wanted to earn their education.
Surprisingly, both went on to get advanced degrees. No one in either James's or Amy's families ever studied for a graduate degree. So it was surprising and gratifying to them that their children did. While James and Amy realized that graduate education wasn't for everyone, they believed that a good education was a valuable tool for their children's success.
We'll return to James and Amy's story shortly to see how they helped their children take the right paths. First, though, let's consider some good building blocks that can help your child succeed.
Building blocks for your child's success
As a parent, you should realize that whether or not you help your children build their future, their future will be shaped by someone.
Without guidance, children can struggle, looking for whatever is available, or they can always follow in their parents' footsteps. Some parents expect their children to follow in their footsteps. This can lead to problems, for not all children have the talents or desires their parents have.
Wise parents provide an overarching environment for their children's future success, introducing them to a wide range of possibilities. As Positive Thinking writer John Maxwell notes: "Becoming a parent, who sees his children not as they are but as they could be, takes time and effort. It doesn't happen overnight, but it really pays off. The key to making it happen is focusing on our children's potential" ("Unlock Your Child's Potential," October 2002, p. 27).
Your child's success is built one step at a time. The old axiom still holds true: There is no elevator to true success; everyone must take the stairs.
A child's future is shaped early
When our own children were tiny babies, my wife and I determined that they should get the best start in life possible. We had heard that approximately 80 percent of a child's cognitive process is formed by age 3 and 90 percent by age 5.
That was a sobering thought for us. So we set ourselves to do the very best we could for our children in that very short span of time. That's not easy when most parents are focused on the basics, like feeding and protecting their babies. For entertainment we were concerned about providing them with toys and, at times, acceptable children's television programs.
Family counselor "Dr. Phil" McGraw, well known for his books and TV program, focuses on the importance of parenting: "Your role as a parent is the highest, noblest calling you will ever have in your life. What's more, I believe that you can and will rise to that challenge if given the proper knowledge and tools for this important task.
"I know that you already possess the most powerful and important ingredient to succeeding. That critical factor is an unconditional and heartfelt love and devotion you have for your child. But it takes much, much more than love and good intentions because you aren't the only influence in your child's life" (Family First, 2004, p. 10).
Let's explore five building blocks that can help prepare a successful future for your children.
One: Set a good example for your children
Looking back over the years, my wife and I were occasionally surprised at some of the things our children said and did in the normal course of family life. We knew that the unsavory things that came out could sometimes be traced back to us. We discussed this at length and determined to set the best example we could, though it wouldn't of course be perfect.
In fact, author and leadership consultant Stephen Covey wrote: "Good families-even great families-are off track 90 percent of the time! The key is that they have a sense of destination. They know what the 'track' looks like. And they keep coming back to it time and time again" (The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families , 1997, p. 9).
Much of our lives were spent giving of ourselves to our children. Some even thought we were giving too much of our time to our children, but we stayed the course. We knew that they needed us far more than physical things and money.
The Bible tells parents they must spiritually ground their children in knowledge about God and His way of life: "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up" (Deuteronomy 6:5-7).
Although no parent is perfect in this, those who would create the best moral climate and educational environment for their children will start with God's instructions. Imperfection is no excuse for the thoughtful and understanding parents who strive to give the best of themselves to their children.
Life is an exercise in learning to do what is right instead of what is wrong. It gets down to a matter of choices. We choose to do what we do. And we can choose to be dedicated to teaching and exemplifying the right things to our children.
Two: Encourage your child to read and communicate
Amy, as a child living on a farm, loved books and reading widely. James, conversely, spent most of his time working outside. In her early days, Amy had no television or other negative influences that might come from modern media and crowded big cities. What she did have was an active imagination fired by the books she read.
With James's help, Amy wanted her children to develop a love for books and reading widely. They would read to their children every night and discuss the exciting stories that ignited their children's imaginations. Perhaps more than anything else, this early reading process contributed to their children's later successes.
James and Amy also allowed their children to discuss issues that many parents might think objectionable. For example, they discussed sex and reproduction and answered their children's questions as accurately as possible so the children wouldn't have to learn the wrong things from peers and other misinformed sources.
Realizing their children would spend many hours each day without their attentive supervision, they took advantage of their private family time and discussed the important topics of life one-on-one.
Addressing the issue of personal growth in the family, John Maxwell advises: "Look at each day as an opportunity to develop yourself. Read books and listen to tapes on areas where you want to grow. Go to conferences. Spend time with successful people.
"Make your home a growth environment. Begin by praising your children anytime they show a desire to learn. Provide opportunities for them to have new experiences. Buy books and tapes for them. Show them that you value growth" ("Unlock Your Child's Potential," October 2002, p. 29).
Three: Extend your child's educational opportunities
How far do you go to increase your child's educational opportunities? Some parents look forward to the time when their children are old enough to enter kindergarten or the first grade because they want more free time for themselves. They think children are a burden to free expression, an unnecessary and temporary interruption of their life's great pursuits.
When a man and woman marry, they assume they are in agreement on just about everything. Their early time together working through small challenges and differences can help solidify their marriage. After the honeymoon wears off, many experience a big change. Suddenly another human being enters their lives. From the moment of their child's birth, they turn their time and attention to the new love of their lives.
Now they have to get up in the middle of the night to tend to their little baby, to feed and change diapers. Gone is the time they once had to enjoy each other. Night after night of only a few hours of sleep can wear many a parent down.
Now, instead of the peace and tranquility and uninterrupted mutual love and joy they had with each other, suddenly too many couples find fault with each other and argue over the very gift that fulfilled their lives. Patience for each other wanes; respect and love is now secondary in their relationship.
Adding to this, parents sometimes resort to the TV to get a break in their now busy and hectic lives. There the commercials and TV programs suggest they could be better off with faster cars, nicer clothes and unlimited spending. It's all very unrealistic, but it sells.
The example of James and Amy is instructive here. Realizing such factors could pull them off course, they decided to take charge of their lives and the lives of their children. They began to plan for their children's future.
They encouraged their children to think about what they might like to do after high school. Their children recognized that their parents had college degrees that helped them in their personal lives and in their chosen professions.
Amy and James, however, realized that their children might not want to follow in their footsteps. They openly discussed this with their children and didn't try to force their personal desires on them. They had no intention of trying to relive their lives through their children.
Dr. Phil adds to this idea: "Survey Fact: Forty-eight percent of parents said that their own parents had too high expectations and feel that this caused high anxiety for them as adults" (Family First, p. 69). Naturally, parents can provide counsel for their children's future work, but the son or daughter must make the final decision.
Today, James and Amy's children are happier because they are doing what they enjoy, knowing as well that even better career opportunities might later open up for them in related fields. They didn't lock themselves into something they wouldn't continue to enjoy for the rest of their lives. And they have learned to be flexible in an ever-changing world.
Four: Teach your children godly morals
Personally, my wife and I trained our children to follow God's Word as their moral guide. When our son was just a couple of months old, we would place him on the bed while we knelt by it and prayed. Our children learned about our relationship with God through prayer. Now they pray with their children.
Elva Anson wrote this about the importance of prayer in a family: "Teaching children to pray should be as natural and easy as teaching them to talk. When children learn to talk, they simply imitate the sounds they hear us make. When they learn to pray, the same principle applies. If we have never learned to pray ourselves, our children have nothing to imitate" ("Teaching Your Child to Pray," Positive Thinking, March 2001, p. 26).
The world we live in is not given to godly morals. Lust, dishonesty, drugs, violence and war are the common fare for humanity from birth to death. Our children are immersed in the world's immoral ways from the time they are born.
Godly morals come from God's laws, specifically the Ten Commandments. How many people do you encounter on the street, in shopping malls and in social gatherings who actually try to live by the Ten Commandments? Listen to the majority of people for hardly any time at all and you quickly learn that God plays almost no role in their lives.
Parents who teach their children about God's Word and His Ten Commandments are the very ones who can appreciate and enjoy true success. This is the one common denominator for true success, even in a world that does not recognize God's laws at work in their lives.
Amy and James taught their children about God. They read children's Bible books about Old Testament personalities and their personal struggles. They discussed with them how to apply the principles of God's laws to their personal lives.
When James and Amy allowed their children to watch television, they watched it with them. They let their children choose what they watched as a family, with parental guidance. As they watched a television show, if something objectionable came up that they didn't want their children to copy or consider acceptable, they would momentarily discuss it with them in brief interactive exchanges. That way the children could learn to quickly recognize right and wrong moral messages.
James and Amy applied this teaching method in various settings and circumstances-when they went shopping, playing with their children on the playground and when they went for evening walks. They dedicated themselves to teaching their children godly morality based on God's holy and spiritual laws. Now thoroughly grounded in the Bible, their children do the same.
Five: Never stop sharing yourself with your children
Finally, parents should never stop sharing themselves with their children. This doesn't mean they should remain in charge of their children after the children have become adults, are married and have their own children. Parents should be available to their adult children and graciously accept the gift of grandparenting as it comes their way. This is God's way, for wisdom comes with age; and compassion and forgiveness, from experience.
James and Amy determined that they would always try to spend time themselves with their children, even as they grew older. They knew that age and experience can be tremendous resources that children and grandchildren can benefit from and enjoy. Instead of heading off into the sunset, disconnected from their children and their families, they determined there was no greater or more lasting satisfaction than to share their autumn years with their children and grandchildren.
Of course, there's nothing wrong with traveling, or golf, or whatever retirement opportunity older parents might like to pursue. But there is something wrong with parents and grandparents divorcing themselves from their children and grandchildren to grasp at last-minute satisfactions, only to inherit the wind.
Dr. Covey addresses the debilitating factor of putting family second to one's own personal interests and job. While conducting a seminar on the importance of extended family relationships, he shared this:
"These men and women [were] sobered and very thoughtful. Their failure to succeed in this family effort drove them to really examine their own personal lives. As they did so, they came to the realization that family was not just some sideshow. It was tremendously important to them. And they began to realize that 'success' in this area of their lives was not a matter of technique and a quick fix; it was based on the long-term principles that govern in every dimension of life" (p. 103).
It's important to never stop sharing yourself with your children.
Assurances of success of children
Above everything else, God's number-one purpose for humankind is family. The success of a family also means the success of children.
Distinguished scholar Merrill Unger summarized the Bible's revelation about God and the family in his Unger's Bible Dictionary: "The family relation is the institution of God lying at the foundation of all human society . . . The family occupies a prominent place throughout Scripture, is the first form of society, and has continued to be the germ and representative of every fellowship" (1972, "Family").
The Bible contains many prophecies about the good news of Jesus Christ's coming Kingdom on earth. Included in God's many positive and encouraging promises is this one about how families will dwell in peace with multiple generations coexisting in close proximity:
"Then they shall dwell in the land that I have given to Jacob My servant, where your fathers dwelt; and they shall dwell there, they, their children, and their children's children, forever" (Ezekiel 37:25).
Zechariah 8:4-5 adds: "Thus says the Lord of hosts: 'Old men and old women shall again sit in the streets of Jerusalem, each one with his staff in his hand because of great age. The streets of the city shall be full of boys and girls playing."
God is pro-children and pro-family. He is dedicated to the success of parents, for He knows that as parents go, so goes the family. God is also dedicated to children. In fact, God is so moved by the attitudes of little children that Jesus Christ set them up as good examples all adults should follow:
"At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, 'Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?' Then Jesus called a little child to Him, set him in the midst of them, and said, 'Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me'" (Matthew 18:1-5).
James and Amy's parenting efforts yielded excellent results. So can yours. Your child can succeed. All loving parents can be equipped to help their children succeed if they understand God's purpose for humankind and if they are willing to dedicate themselves to the ongoing welfare of their children and grandchildren. As a steward over God's future sons and daughters, you can help your child succeed. God is always ready to help! GN
Recommended Reading
Few people realize it, but they already own one of the world’s best books on successful parenting—the Bible! It’s packed with practical, helpful advice on all aspects of life, including child rearing. And we can be sure that it’s good advice because its ultimate Author is the One who created parents, children and family—our almighty and all-knowing Creator! Discover for yourself much of the Bible’s best guidance in our free booklet . Request or download your free copy today!
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