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...And Children Are From Pluto By Mike Bennett If men are from Mars and women are from Venus, sometimes it seems children are from even farther out!
few years back a popular book said men and women can't communicate very well because men are from Mars, and women are from Venus. It was an interesting concept that helped many people focus on the differences between men and women that do affect how we relate to one another. The image of aliens from different planets was a powerful one, if too stereotypical. Still, anything we can do to help us understand each other is good. If men are from Mars and women are from Venus, sometimes it seems children are from Pluto--even harder to understand. The gross humor, the computerese, the strange music. Sometimes kids seem too swayed by crass commercialism and materialism. (Toy makers seem to know how to speak their language and push their buttons--but they should be ashamed of themselves.) Other times young people seem to really see this world's problems and solutions more clearly than adults.
We can learn a lot from these creatures from Pluto. Jesus Christ took time for children, and even said we are to be like them. They are a gift, on loan from God. They really are out of this world! But to learn from them, we must start by learning to communicate with them--learning their language. The company I work for publishes information about languages and technology. My shelves at work are filled with the latest software to help people learn Spanish, Japanese, Swedish, Vietnamese--but nothing on Pluto. The software contains audio, speech-recognition playback, full motion video, interactive sessions and games. There are many ideas about the best way to learn a language. But still the biggest factors are the desire of the student and the time spent listening and speaking. If you really want to understand these aliens from Pluto, you'll make progress. Over the years, a lot has been written about raising children. A few years back there was a good book called How to Really Love Your Child by Dr. Ross Campbell, which stressed the importance of giving our children love through eye contact, physical contact and focused attention. "What is focused attention?" Dr. Campbell wrote. "Focused attention is giving a child our full, undivided attention in such a way that he feels without doubt that he is completely loved. That he is valuable enough in his own right to warrant parents' undistracted watchfulness, appreciation and uncompromising regard. In short, focused attention makes a child feel he is the most important person in the world in his parents' eyes." More than one hundred years ago, the book Gentle Measures recommended: "I think there can be no doubt that the most effectual way of securing the confidence and love of children, and of acquiring control over them, is by sympathizing with them in their childlike hopes and fears, and joys and sorrows--in their ideas, their fancies, and even in their caprices," wrote Jacob Abbott. And more than 3,000 years ago Moses wrote: "These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up" (Deuteronomy 6:6-7). Learning a language and communicating takes time. Years ago there was a big debate about spending quality time with kids versus quantity. The debate seems to have died down, partly, I'm afraid, because parents are too busy and burned out to feel they can do either. But sometimes we have to make changes to allow both kinds of time. Quality time is still important. Most nights I don't get home from work till after 7 p.m., and the kids need to be in bed by 9. The time is pretty packed with getting supper on the table, eating, cleaning up, sometimes playing a short game, getting ready for bed, brushing and flossing teeth, brushing hair, reading a story and a Bible story and praying. It goes by pretty fast, and there's not always a lot of time for talking. But if I grabbed a beer and sat in front of the TV instead of reading to the girls, I think it would widen the rift between the planets. As it is, some nights after the glass of water and tucking in comes the deepest discussion of the day (much to my wife's chagrin as she knows they need the sleep!).
Quantity time is important too. I know I need it. A couple of minutes on the phone doesn't cut it when I'm on a business trip. One of the hardest times of my life was when I took a job five or six weeks before the rest of the family could join me. Maybe people from Venus and Pluto can survive that, but this Martian was at wits' end. There's a lot more to raising Plutonians than spending time, talking and listening. But it's a start. Every year 50,000 people in Spokane, Washington, put on jogging shoes and run about 7.5 miles in a race called Bloomsday. This year my 8-year-old daughter Heather and I will "run" it together. Over the last couple of months we've had the chance to train together a few times (not nearly as many as we wanted because of sickness, business trips and a busy life). I'll always treasure those times. We may not do a lot of running, but walking and talking about the things on her mind gives me a much greater grasp of what things are like on Pluto. I'm looking forward to the Bloomsday "race" itself. I don't think we'll set any speed records. Instead I hope I can do a little cosmic engineering--moving Mars and Pluto just a little closer to each other. Copyright 1999 by United Church of God, an International Association All rights reserved. |
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