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They Are Listening...Are You? By Lorelei Nettles Are we really aware of what children overhear during our conversations, what could they possibly be learning from us?
y baby, my son. There he is, sitting among what seems like hundreds of Hot Wheels cars. He's made a makeshift ramp out of stray magazines and is making sputtering, growling car noises with his mouth. He's oblivious to what is happening around him...or is he? Without realizing it, he may hear more than I know. Often he seems totally absorbed in an activity, not hearing what I may say on the phone or to someone at church, when, in actuality, he's absorbing every word into his unbelievably exact memory. As a good parent, I want what all parents want. I wish all good be known to my son, all truths, all knowledge; but I often feel that maybe I'm falling short. I also try to shelter him from the terrible evils of the world, which has become increasingly difficult in these days of violence and chaos. I worry he will be overburdened, or not grasp the meaning intended at his fragile age of six. He increasingly amazes me, though, with his sense of understanding. He possesses a dual understanding of the real world while holding fast to his own internal thoughts and rules. While the simple things in life like forgetting leftovers at a restaurant or a misplaced toy can ruin his day, he seems to have a sort of grip on the serious world. He keeps about him a simple reasoning of how things should be outside of his realm. The things I think would be most upsetting to him are not, and things I don't see as a problem come back to haunt us as tremendous fears for him.
At every turn I see that God's truths are getting through to him, not only from us, his parents; but also from those around him and from what he hears and learns at church. I sometimes overhear him during a service, commenting on what is being said, with a "That's right!" or a "huh?" as he looks towards me with a questioning look on his face. He has been known to verbally attack family members who don't eat according to God's health laws. He has also corrected others when they speak of going to heaven when they die, (as he knows that the dead know nothing until resurrection.) While I'm not always pleased with his delivery of these messages, I do get the opportunity to see that he had been listening and learning all the while.
I think it is most important to watch for those moments when our children are overtaken with confusing or conflicting information. We must be there to listen and discuss the misinformation with them, to allow them to open up and not feel like they are doing or saying anything wrong, and then calmly go over things with them. I did this with my son on the issue of sharing gifts and he soon saw the harm and understood better the blessings he already has in his life. God tells us in Proverbs 22:6 to lead our children in the way they should go. I don't necessarily believe that means pounding the law in to them, but more so in being the examples we are expected to be, and being there, to answer the easy and often very tough questions.
What have I learned? To trust that he sees, hears and understands more then I will ever know. I've also been reminded of the things I often overlook. Things I should be thinking or praying about myself. Sometimes it's the little things that make a difference. I understand God's plan a little clearer sometimes when I see it through my child's eyes. A child has an unblemished view of things and holds no real grudges. He continually amazes me with the knowledge he holds in subjects I had no idea he was even aware of. I have also learned that there is a lot of truth to the old saying, "little pictures have big ears." Children are listening when we are unaware of it. Children understand more then we give them credit for, but they also can be led astray, oh, so easily. Listening and watching my own words and deeds are the most important things I can do for both my child and other children around me. So, I guess I will always worry for him, want for him and try to protect him. In the long run, though, he will come away with more than I can give him with my words. He will watch and listen to everyone and everything around him as all children do. All I can hope for is that what he sees and hears is mostly good, and that what isn't good, will show itself as such to him. So remember, they are LISTENING. Are you? Copyright 2002 by United Church of God, an International Association All rights reserved. |
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Origin of article "They Are Listening...Are You?"
Keywords: childrens' understanding childrens' awarness parenting
Parenting children - religion: