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Parent Swap By Lorelei Nettles As parents and Christians, we have responsibilities to our children and we must make sure we don't swing too far in any direction when it comes to decision making.
n recent weeks, I have recorded and watched a few episodes of a series on television called Wife Swap. The show selects two families and has the wives/mothers of each family trade places for two weeks. For the first week, the wives must follow the written rules and directions that are given for the household they are visiting. The second week they get to change the rules to their own preferences. The family must then follow the way of life of the new wife, doing things as she thinks they should be done. Usually, this goes way overboard and is not always very fair to the household. The families chosen are, of course, total opposites in the way that they live.
The second family believed in total freedom. The children did as they pleased; they were messy to the point of food fights in the home. (And these included their father!) They were allowed to cuss and hit each other and had no respect for their parents or any other adult. The entire family was accustomed to sleeping on mattresses in the living room, just because they could, and throwing dirty or clean clothes about the house randomly. A vacuum was rarely, if ever, used.
One extreme I found the whole premise of the show disturbing, but was also intrigued by what I saw in the results. This is why I chose to record and watch more than one episode. Although, I am fully aware that no assumption is always 100 percent accurate, I felt what I had watched was a good example of how people act in general.
Over the years I have known a couple of families like this and in one, the children either ran away or left home at 18 and barely spoke to the parents. It is a very sad situation, but interestingly their parents still feel that their children are ingrates and never appreciated all that they had given them. They could not see that they drove their children away. It reminded me of what it says in Proverbs 28:11, "The rich man is wise in his own eyes." It's not that riches make people evil, but frequently the rich only seek more riches and not only strive for it, but expect their children to achieve it at all costs. Because of it, they may look down on those who are not striving for it, as was the case in most of these shows. The other side of things
I also know a few families like this. They are more concerned with their own daily lives than with their family. They are selfish, have no other goals and want life to just come easy without any demands outside of their jobs. Both types of families usually have children who do not have close friendships in their lives. This occurs either because the children are too embarrassed to bring friends home or because they are not allowed to bring friends home. The importance of balance We as Christians must be careful not to lean too far in either of these directions. We must remember to train up our children in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6); but at the same time, we must not drive them away. Colossians 3:21 warns us: "Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged" (King James Version).
We also must not lose focus of the goal, the narrow path that leads us to the Kingdom of God. While I realize this goal was not one the families in the show held for themselves, it is the focus we as Christians should have. Along with this are the teachings we are given throughout the Word of God. All we need to know is laid out for us there. Loving one another The families in this TV program showed little love towards the outsider they had invited to their home. Granted, they had no choice in who would be arriving, but by signing on with the show, they had opened their door. If they had demonstrated love to each other, I am sure that they would not have a program to air at all. This type of programming thrives on the controversy.
Had these families practiced just the most basic of manners toward the guest in their home, they could have breezed through the two weeks. Instead they chose to fight and antagonize one another. They stood fast in their ways and refused to change or were only willing to open up in the most simple of ways.
Families overall are falling apart. Parents often support their children financially long into adulthood and then may follow-up by suing them for not repaying them. Children abuse their parents physically; they swear at their so-called friends; they may even lie and cheat to get their way. When a parent is too strict, the children may leave home and abandon all the values their parents tried to instill in them. Or they may pass those strict ways onto their own children, thus repeating the cycle. When a parent is too lenient, the children may grow into free-for-all adults who end up in a life of crime or abuse -- all the while feeling there is something they are missing in their lives. We have choices in our life; let's make sure that the way we choose to follow also follows the Word of God. Recommended reading Request our free booklets: and . Copyright 2008 by United Church of God, an International Association All rights reserved. |
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Origin of article "Parent Swap"
Keywords: parenting children change wife swap show strictness freedom
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