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Learning to Accept What Is By Elaine Jacobs Life threw me a curve, and I had to consider going back to college. Would my over-50 brain still work?
n June of 1998 my husband, who pastors two small congregations in the Southwest, received a distressing phone call. He was informed that his salary would be cut in half due to church financial difficulties. My husband had expected this might happen and was somewhat prepared. He had returned to school the previous January to pursue a master's degree in counseling. I, on the other hand, was broadsided by this startling news. I felt a great sense of loss, a feeling of being devalued. I was in mourning. Our thoughts immediately were how to survive financially. Should we sell our home, which we had only bought two years previously? We knew we would take a loss if we did, but on half salary, we couldn't make our payments. We sat down and took a long, hard look at our savings and our budget. If we used most of our savings to pay the mortgage down, we could afford the monthly payments. Cutting our budget to the bone, we could keep the house and make it financially for a year. By then my husband would have his master's degree, and would hopefully be able to find work in a clinic. It was a relief to develop a plan, but the emotional pain was still there. A few friends and family contacted us. Most in our congregations were supportive and comforting. What turned things around for me was a statement made by a friend at church, a lady whose husband had just lost his job.
I mentioned that I felt like I was mourning a loss and she said, "But think about it, you haven't really lost anything important." At first I thought, "She just doesn't understand." But the next day as I was praying and meditating, her words came back to me. I realized, "She's right! I still have God, His truth, my husband, my children and our pastorate." It was time to think about the positive instead of the negative, to be proactive. I couldn't change what was. I needed to make the most of the situation. I needed to learn to be content in the state I was in (Philippians 4:11). I asked God to help me to not entertain negative thoughts and to know He was there and going to take good care of us. Negative thoughts can lead to anger and anger to bitterness. This is nonproductive and dangerous. For several years I had been thinking that I needed to be able to support myself if anything ever happened to my husband. My first career was raising our children, being a wife and supporting my husband's ministry. I loved it, but the pay wasn't great and our children were now grown. The prospect of returning to school was a scary one and had always been put off. Now was the time to make it happen. I prayed for courage, direction and support, then made plans to go to the local community college to seek advice and counseling. My interest was in bookkeeping. My goal was to have a small business in my home. The day arrived. I prayed, girded myself with courage and went off to school. Things didn't go as I had hoped. I got in to see an adviser, but the extent of the advice was, "Yes, we have a bookkeeping program, but you need to get a catalog, a schedule and turn in an application. You'd better hurry. Classes are filling up fast!" So, a bit rattled, but still determined, I went and got everything. As I stood there trying to fill out my application, I heard words like "transcripts," "placement tests" and "registration" from the crowd around me. The more I heard, the more overwhelmed I felt. I walked out and went home. I wasn't going to give up, but I had had all I could handle for that day.
Later I told my husband, "I don't like it. I feel like a cow being loaded on a cattle car. I want something more old-person friendly. What about a business college?" I continued to pray about it, telling God the same thing I told my husband. A few days later my husband asked, "Will you go back if I go with you?" I said I would think about it. Then one of my friends mentioned there was another campus of the same community college. It was much smaller and in a quiet neighborhood. And they carried the classes I wanted. Two placement tests were required: math and typing. Typing didn't worry me, but math classes were a distant memory. My sister, who had also returned to school, had a math study guide. She offered to send it to me. For three days I studied several hours a day. Then, with my kind and supportive husband by my side, I returned to school, this time to the friendlier, less overwhelming environment of the smaller school. I applied, was accepted, took and passed my placement tests, counseled about my schedule and returned home triumphant to await my registration date. My first semester I finished with an 'A' in business math. My greatest thrill has been seeing that God was with me. He supplied the love and support that was needed. He answered my prayers, large and small. Growth in life can be painful and scary. Sometimes we just need to step out in faith. We have to learn to accept things as they are, realizing that our faithful Shepherd will supply every need. Copyright 2000 by United Church of God, an International Association All rights reserved. |
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Keywords: back to school education learning God's providence
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