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"Are
you sure you want to quit work?" When I first thought about this question,
the answer was an absolute yes. I wasn't even pregnant yet, but I had always
imagined that I would earn a degree, work full-time and then quit work
to raise children while my husband worked.
After marrying and working a few years, I began looking forward to
a break from the pressures of corporate life in exchange for the challenges
and rewards of parenting. My husband Brendan and I read books about
children today receiving very limited time with men and how important
such time is to their development.
We heard male friends and coworkers comment that they never saw their kids except when they drove them somewhere. After much discussion and thought, Brendan decided to start his own business working from home, and I decided to work part-time from home. This would allow us to raise our children ourselves and spend more time with them.
Parenting and supporting a family financially may seem like responsibilities in the distant future to Vertical Thought readers, but this is a topic worth considering. Your educational and occupational choices now will largely determine your parenting and employment options later in life.
Much has been written about the benefits of families taking care of their children in their own homes instead of putting them in day care. While some may not be able to attain this ideal, it was one to which my husband and I were deeply committed.
Making plans
Brendan and I were working full-time in Minneapolis, Minnesota, and were without children when we began serious discussions about how to structure our life to raise children. We both enjoyed our work and yet felt likely to burn out with jobs requiring 50+ hours a week. We didn't like commuting, and we wanted to live in the country, preferably close to Brendan's relatives in Tennessee.
We wanted the freedom to spend time on our own projects and interests, not just working for our employers and clients. Most importantly, we wanted to be the primary influences in our kids' lives and for them to spend a lot of time with both of us. Yet the jobs Brendan and I held in our respective fields—patent law and consumer product sales—didn't align with these desires.
Getting there
So we began to focus on how we could each transition into working from home, ultimately living in Tennessee. Our vision was one that wouldn't even have been feasible a generation earlier, without e-mail, mobile phones and the Internet. But technology now offers opportunities for many people to work primarily from their homes. Thus began two years of heartfelt prayer, help from others and some proactive physical steps that led to a wonderful blessing.
After working for seven years at a large company, I formally requested part-time and home-based work. No opportunities initially existed, but I continued to ask. After a couple of extensive maternity leaves, a former manager created a 20-hour-a-week office-based job for me, and I was permitted to work one day a week from home. At this point, Brendan also arranged his schedule so he could spend Wednesday mornings with the boys and work from home in the afternoon. These were baby steps toward the life we wanted, but we were moving in the right direction.
Shortly afterward, Brendan left the firm at which he had worked for five years as an associate attorney and started his own practice. About five months later, my company offered me relocation to Tennessee for a part-time, home-based role managing a remote sales team. Of course, I joyfully accepted! We made the move to Tennessee, and all but one of Brendan's Minnesota clients agreed to work with him remotely.
What you can do
If you are a young woman and want flexibility with a career when you begin raising a family, here are some things you can do to maximize your options later in life:
• Start with a personal Bible study about God's expectations of mothers. Deuteronomy 6:6-7 says that parents should teach their children God's ways throughout the day. In 1 Timothy 5:14 Paul advises women to guide their homes. Proverbs 31 describes a woman involved in business who diligently guides her children and servants, ably overseeing her household's operation. Our free booklet Marriage and Family: The Missing Dimension is an excellent resource for additional scriptures on this subject. You may read, download or order a copy at www.gnmagazine.org/booklets.
• Clarify your personal priorities. In light of God's instructions, I hope you and your husband will want to be the chief influences in your children's lives. If you are going to work in addition to family responsibilities (something that not all mothers will choose), figure out with your husband how you can do so and still "guide your home."
• Observe parents and children you know. What works well (or not) for them? Consider why any particular arrangements do or do not appeal to you.
• Pursue work that can be measured by results (sales, words written, reports produced, Web sites designed or entrepreneurial ventures) instead of the type that requires your physical presence (receptionist, hospitality or manufacturing). No matter what your function or field, there are probably exceptions. With the right preparation, desire and God's help, you can likely become one of them.
• Choose an area in which you can offer a comparative advantage. Companies are most likely to grant flexibility to their most valuable, productive employees. I offered to take a demotion in job level and responsibilities in order to work part-time from home and have the location I wanted.
• Seek employment at companies with established family-friendly policies such as flexible or reduced-hour schedules and telecommuting. Work hard in school to improve your chances of obtaining interviews and job offers from these types of employers.
• Solidly establish your value before seeking nontraditional arrangements. This amount of time will vary, but you can figure out what's reasonable by looking at typical turnover and promotion rates.
• When seeking a reduced or flexible role, frame your-proposal in terms of business needs and how you can meet those instead of your personal reasons for wanting part-time status or permission to work from home.
• Get out of debt and save money. The transition from an employer's office to home-based employment can be bumpy and unpredictable. A financial cushion will help you bridge rough spots and make better decisions even in the midst of challenges.
• Starting your own business could be another route to future flexibility. These efforts typically require large investments of time and energy in the beginning, and sometimes on an ongoing basis. It can be tough to predict exactly when you'll be able to back off, so—if this is your plan—start as early as possible before having children.
How a couple structures work and takes care of their children will have a huge impact on both partners' day-to-day satisfaction—and on the welfare of the children, of course. If you want choices when it comes to motherhood and a career, the time to begin planning is now. VT
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