Information Related to "From Father Knows Best to "No Father Is Best:""
| Audio/Video |
 |
From Father Knows Best to "No Father Is Best"The American Psychological Association published an article asserting that fathers are not essential in the healthy development of children! In fact, they claim, fathers do more harm than good!by Cecil E. MaranvilleFather Knows Best was an acceptable title for a popular television program in the '50s because the concept that the father was a necessary and fixed head of every family was widely accepted. This past summer the American Psychological Association published an article asserting that just the opposite is true-that fathers are not essential in the healthy development of children! In fact, they claim, fathers do more harm than good! The American Psychologist, journal of the American Psychological Association (APA), ran as its lead in the June 1999 issue an article titled "Deconstructing the Essential Father" in which the authors argued that fathers are really nonessential. Psychologist Wade Horn, in his Washington Times column of July 6, 1999, properly takes issue with the APA's shocking reasoning and bizarre conclusion. "The authors begin their first argument by stating that their 'research experience has led us to conceptualize fathering in the way that is very different from the neoconservative [Read: anyone who thinks fathers matter-Dr. Horn's comment] perspective.' "While acknowledging that 'the presence of a father may have positive effects on the well-being of boys,' two paragraphs later the authors come to the stunning conclusion that '…the empirical literature does not support the idea that fathers make a unique and essential contribution to child development.'" The premise of the APA article appears to be that many of today's fathers do such a poor job at fathering that their children would be better off if they were absent from the children's lives! "The authors warned, for example, of 'the potential costs of father presence,' and especially their propensity to fritter away family resources on 'gambling, purchasing alcohol, cigarettes, or other nonessential commodities' thereby 'actually increasing women's workload and stress level.'" Should "Family" Be Redefined? Did you notice the psychologists' choice of words-"father presence"-as if having a father in a home is but one of many possible options? Conceivably a home could be clinically presented as having a "mother presence," a "stepfather presence," a "stepmother presence," a "male friend of mother presence," a "grandparent presence," etc. What is so wrong with the "normal home" of the Father Knows Best era? The parents of today's parents were born and raised in that environment. Why haven't the values of yesterday been passed along to the present generation of parents? Should "normal" be redefined to suit today's world? Or should today's world seek to redefine itself? Joseph A. Califano says it's the latter. Califano, a former Secretary of Health, Education and Welfare, is now president of the National Center of Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University. His group, like the psychologists mentioned above, found that a teenager who has a poor relationship with his father in a two-parent household is at a higher risk for smoking, drinking and illegal drug use than one with a strong relationship with a single mother. But his group's study went further and reached a different conclusion. It found that fathers are irreplaceable in helping children to become and stay drug-free. "We want fathers to wake up tomorrow morning, whether their kid is three years old or is 17 years old," said Califano. "Parent power [fathers and mothers working together] is the most important weapon we have in dealing with substance abuse with our children. This problem is going to be solved across the kitchen table [meaning in a normal home situation in which the family eats together and talks together]" ("Relationship With Fathers Affects Teens Use of Drugs, Study Finds" by William P. Bulletin, Chicago Tribune, August 31, 1999). "Every father should look in the mirror and say, 'How often do I eat meals with my children?'" Califano declared. Fatherless Boys Suffer Poor Moral Development Michael Gurian, author of The Good Son: Shaping the Moral Development of Our Boys and Young Men, concluded after studying 30 cultures around the world that "American boys have the least moral development of any boys in the world." Gurian attributes this discouraging phenomenon to the breakdown of family, which he defines as a threefold system: the nuclear, expanded and communal family. He notes that our modern society causes us to end up "with kids being raised with one parent, no extended family, and going to a school with 2,500 kids. That means less chance for moral development" ("Mapping the Journey from Boy to Man," by Brad Knickerbocker, The Christian Science Monitor, October 13, 1999). "Boys are really hungry for male attention. That's primal, and that's natural. I find it in every culture. As a boy hits puberty, he starts looking to men, and it's the culture's job to provide him with men. That means his dad, but it doesn't just mean his dad. "A boy can become a male adult, physically and socially, but he isn't a man until he has become loving, wise, and responsible" (ibid.). In response to the interviewer's question, "What is needed for boys to become good sons and eventually good men?" Gurian cited four things. We quote two for the purpose of this article. "No. 1 is the bond or attachment between the primary caregiver and her son-I say ' her' because it's generally the mom. We would cut down on a lot of [school shootings] if in the first two years of life we had better attachment between our infant boys and their caregivers. "…No. 3 would be the dad. All sorts of studies show us what happens when a boy is not attached to his dad, how he's more likely to live in poverty, more likely to end up in jail, do drugs, and so on. So we just have to say, 'Look, if we want moral sons we've got to have fathers.' And by father I also mean the 'second father,'…an uncle or a grandfather." Daughters Need Fathers, too What Gurian says about the need for fathers in the life of boys is no less true for the development of girls. "It is said that the best thing a father can do for his daughter is to love her mother," noted Kathleen Parker in The Orlando Sentinel. "A girl lucky enough to observe her 'first man' [her father] demonstrating affection and respect for the woman with whom she most strongly identifies [her mother] grows up with confidence and high self-esteem. More likely than not, she'll set her standards high when seeking her own mate. "Now, new research published in the August issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology suggests that there's more fathers can do: Be there" ("A Father's Best Gift? His Presence," October 3, 1999). The research found that girls who had fathers as active caregivers entered puberty later in life, and therefore were slower to develop sexual interests-and attendant problems. "Apparently, girls' biological clocks are tuned not only to their physical environment but to the emotional atmosphere as well" (ibid.). It is good for children, sons and daughters alike, to have fathers! That is not to ignore the reality of our present, sick and dysfunctional society. Fathers who are cruel, abusive, immature and selfish do serious harm to the development of their children. But the solution is not to excise the fathers from the lives of their children. Fathers need to be godly men, aware of their profound responsibility to their children, and to conduct themselves accordingly. "And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged" (Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21). The fact that it was necessary to inspire this instruction tells us that adult males are not inherently "nurturing fathers," but rather that they need to choose to become such. And further, we-our whole society-need to train boys from the time they're young in the qualities of fatherhood. An invaluable part of that training, of course, is regular contact with nurturing adult males-above all others, their own fathers. A Proven Solution Many people can see that today's family faces serious problems and challenges. Responsible, caring people wrestle with possible solutions. The proposal by some people to redefine families without "a father presence" is being put forward as a plausible solution, because they are convinced that their new concept is better than the present reality. There is, however, a proven solution-one that is studiously avoided by many professionals because they are so used to distancing themselves from the words that God has spoken. That is, by the way, also the reason why today's parents have not absorbed the values more commonly embraced by the past generation. Somewhere along the way, people decided to go it without God-the God of the Bible. A prophecy of a world so wretched that God warns He may be forced to eradicate it entirely enjoins us to "remember the law of Moses, My servant" (Malachi 4:4). A key component of that law, of course, is to "honor your father and your mother." One cannot carve the position of father out of the home and think that he/she has "solved" the present crises assaulting our society. How naïve! How arrogant! How dangerous, considering the fact that the Creator finds it necessary to contemplate the destruction of a society that fails in its relationships between fathers and their children (Malachi 4:6). Thankfully, the dark cloud of that prophecy has a silver lining, foretelling a spiritual work in the end time that will "turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers" (Malachi 4:6). World News and Prophecy is pleased to have a part in it. WNP |
|||||||||||||||||||||
| © 1995-2022 United
Church of God, an International Association | Request
Free Literature Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited. All correspondence and questions should be sent to info@wnponline.org. Send inquiries regarding the operation of this Web site to webmaster@churchofgodtwincities.org. |
|
Related Information:
Other Articles by Cecil Maranville
Origin of article "From Father Knows Best to "No Father Is Best:""
Keywords: fathers boys and fathers girls and fathers
Parenting children - failure:
