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FROM FATHER KNOWS BEST TO "NO FATHER IS BEST"
From Father Knows Best to
"No Father Is Best"
Psychologists have asserted that fathers are not essential to the healthy development of children. Do fathers do more harm than good?
by Cecil Maranville
Father Knows Best was
a television program in the 1950s. At that time the father was widely viewed as the
necessary and fixed head of every family. But times and families have changed. In
June the American Psychological Association published an article asserting that just
the opposite is true--that fathers are not an essential factor in the healthy development
of children. In fact, they claim, fathers do more harm than good.
The American Psychologist ran as its June lead article a piece titled "Deconstructing
the Essential Father" in which the authors argued that fathers are nonessential.
Psychologist Wade Horn, in his Washington Times column of July 6, 1999, takes
issue with the APA's reasoning and conclusion. "The authors begin their first
argument by stating that their 'research experience has led us to conceptualize fathering
in the way that is very different from the neoconservative (read: anyone who thinks
fathers matter--Dr. Horn's comment) perspective.'
"While acknowledging that 'the presence of a father may have positive effects
on the well-being of boys,' two paragraphs later the authors come to the conclusion
that 'the empirical literature does not support the idea that fathers make a unique
and essential contribution to child development.' "
The premise of the APA article appears to be that many of today's fathers do such
a poor job of raising their children that their children would be better off if they
were absent from their children's lives.
"The authors warned, for example, of 'the potential costs of father presence,'
and especially their propensity to fritter away family resources on 'gambling,
purchasing alcohol, cigarettes, or other nonessential commodities' thereby 'actually
increasing women's workload and stress level.' "
Should family be redefined?
What is so wrong with the normal home of the Father Knows Best
era? The parents of today's parents were born and raised in that environment. Why
haven't the values of yesterday passed along to today's parents? Should normal
be redefined to suit our era? Or should today's world seek to redefine itself?
Joseph A. Califano says it's the latter. Mr. Califano, a former secretary of health,
education and welfare, is president of the National Center of Addiction and Substance
Abuse at Columbia University. His group found, like the psychologists mentioned above,
that a teenager who has a poor relationship with his father in a two-parent household
is at a higher risk for smoking, drinking and illegal-drug use than one with a strong
relationship with a single mother.
But his group's study went further and reached a different conclusion. It found that
fathers are irreplaceable in helping children to become and stay drug-free.
"We want fathers to wake up tomorrow morning, whether their kid is 3 years old
or is 17 years old," said Mr. Califano. "Parent power (fathers and mothers
working together) is the most important weapon we have in dealing with substance
abuse with our children. This problem is going to be solved across the kitchen table"
(William P. Bulletin, "Relationship With Fathers Affects Teens Use of Drugs,
Study Finds," Chicago Tribune, Aug. 31, 1999).
"Every father should look in the mirror and say, 'How often do I eat meals with
my children?' " Mr. Califano declared.
Fatherless boys and their morals
Michael Gurian, author of The Good Son: Shaping the Moral Development of Our
Boys and Young Men, concluded after studying 30 cultures in many lands that "American
boys have the least moral development of any boys in the world."
Mr. Gurian attributes this discouraging phenomenon to the breakdown of family, which
he defines as a threefold system: the nuclear, expanded and communal family. He notes
that our society causes us to end up "with kids being raised with one parent,
no extended family, and going to a school with 2,500 kids. That means less chance
for moral development" (Brad Knickerbocker, "Mapping the Journey From Boy
to Man," The Christian Science Monitor, Oct. 13, 1999).
"Boys are really hungry for male attention. That's primal, and that's natural.
I find it in every culture. As a boy hits puberty, he starts looking to men, and
it's the culture's job to provide him with men. That means his dad, but it doesn't
just mean his dad . . . A boy can become a male adult, physically and socially,
but he isn't a man until he has become loving, wise, and responsible."
When asked what boys need to become good sons, and eventually good men, Mr. Gurian
responded that the most important factor is "the bond or attachment between
the primary caregiver and her son--I say 'her' because it's generally the mom. We
would cut down on a lot of (school shootings) if in the first two years of life we
had better attachment between our infant boys and their caregivers . . ."
He added: "All sorts of studies show us what happens when a boy is not attached
to his dad, how he's more likely to live in poverty, more likely to end up in jail,
do drugs, and so on. So we just have to say, 'Look, if we want moral sons we've got
to have fathers.' And by father I also mean the 'second father,'. . . an
uncle or a grandfather."
Daughters need fathers too
What Mr. Gurian says about the need for fathers in the life of boys is no less
true for the development of girls. "It is said that the best thing a father
can do for his daughter is to love her mother," notes syndicated newspaper columnist
Kathleen Parker. "A girl lucky enough to observe her 'first man' (her
father) demonstrating affection and respect for the woman with whom she most strongly
identifies (her mother) grows up with confidence and high self-esteem. More likely
than not, she'll set her standards high when seeking her own mate.
"Now, new research published in the August issue of the Journal of Personality
and Social Psychology suggests that there's more fathers can do: Be there"
("A Father's Best Gift? His Presence," Oct. 3, 1999).
The research found that girls who had fathers as active caregivers entered puberty
later and therefore were slower to develop sexual interests--and attendant problems.
"Apparently, girls' biological clocks are tuned not only to their physical environment
but to the emotional atmosphere as well."
It is good for children, sons and daughters alike, to have fathers! That is not to
ignore the reality of our present dysfunctional society. Fathers who are cruel, abusive,
immature and selfish do serious harm to the development of their children. But the
solution is not to excise the fathers from the lives of their children.
Fathers need to be godly men, aware of their profound responsibility to their children,
and to conduct themselves accordingly. "And you, fathers, do not provoke your
children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord,"
wrote Paul (Ephesians 6:4). He added, "Fathers, do not provoke your children,
lest they become discouraged" (Colossians 3:21).
That it was necessary to inspire this instruction tells us that adult males are not
inherently sustaining fathers, rather that they need to choose to become such. Further,
we--our society--need to train boys in the qualities of fatherhood. An invaluable
part of that training, of course, is regular contact with exemplary adult males,
especially their own fathers.
A solution
Many people can see that our families face serious problems. Responsible people
wrestle with possible solutions. The proposal by some people to redefine families
without "a father presence" is put forward as a plausible solution because
they are convinced their concept is better than the present reality.
There is, however, a proven solution, one that is avoided by many professionals because
they are used to distancing themselves from the words of God. They, like so many
parents who have not absorbed the values commonly embraced by the past generation,
have decided to live without the God of the Bible.
A prophecy of a world so degenerate and corrupt that God warns He may be forced to
eradicate it entirely enjoins us to "remember the law of Moses, My servant"
(Malachi 4:4).
A key component of that law is to "honor your father and your mother" (Exodus 20:12; Deuteronomy 5:16). One cannot carve the position of father out of the home
and think that has solved the crises assaulting our society. How dangerous, considering
that the Creator finds it necessary to contemplate the destruction of a society that
fails in its relationships between fathers and their children (Malachi 4:6).
Thankfully, the dark cloud of Malachi's prophecy has a silver lining, foretelling
a spiritual work in the end time that will "turn the hearts of the fathers to
the children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers" (Malachi 4:6).
The Good News is pleased to have a part in it.
©2000 United Church of God, an International Association
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