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To My Loving Children (To Be Opened If I Die)
A father shares advice he wrote to his children when he was at death's door.

o my loving children,

I am writing you this letter, knowing by the fact you are now reading it that I am no longer part of your physical lives. I am now to be buried, beyond your touch, unable to reach you with my spoken words. And yet there is still so much to say. I ask that you will honor my memory by honoring the wishes and requests of this letter.

First of all, please know and understand that we are not just physical human beings. I now lay asleep awaiting the resurrection. My first and most fervent hope is that I can see each of you there at that glorious resurrection. Please, please, please, protect your lives to do your best to live purely before God, that we may share the joy of that resurrection together. Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness. We will be together again at that glorious resurrection if you remain committed to God and His way of life.

I am now to be buried, beyond your touch, unable to reach you with my spoken words. And yet there is still so much to say. I ask that you will honor my memory by honoring the wishes and requests of this letter.

Remain pure before God and Jesus Christ. This does not mean you need to be perfect--only God and Jesus Christ are perfect. I was not perfect. But I tried to do my best to follow the walk, to live the way of life set before me by the perfect example of Jesus Christ. I fell short many times. And yet I always turned to God, asking for forgiveness, asking for the saving grace of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ to cover my sins. And God never said no. God will always forgive. Please remember to do the same--when you come up short, when you stumble, when you fall, reach out to God in prayer, asking for forgiveness. He will hear your prayer, just as He has always heard my prayers.

What would Jesus Christ do?

You will face many, many times when you will need to make important decisions in your life. Always ask, "What would Jesus Christ do?" And ask, "What would Dad have wanted me to do?" And the answer is to do justly, love mercy and walk humbly in the sight of God. Seek His will first in everything you do. And when (not if, for you most certainly will) you stumble, seek God's forgiveness. He will always forgive you.

Stay close to God by reaching out in daily prayer--always make it the first activity of your day. Even if it is a small prayer, start by committing your day into God's hands. And strive to learn more about God through His Word, the Bible. There will be many different people with many different ideas of what the Bible says. There will be times when you will probably get confused about it. But if you do, just ask the questions: "What did Jesus Christ do?" and "How did He live His life?" So should you live yours.

Jesus Christ lived His life as an example for me and for you. He lived His life perfectly. He lived the Ten Commandments, as did His apostles after His death. Don't let anyone try to convince you otherwise--if they say you don't have to keep any of the Ten Commandments, the truth is not in them. Live your life as Jesus Christ lived His.

I look forward to seeing you at that day of His glorious return. I am only gone a short season and then we will be together again for eternity. Life may seem so long, and I am so far away. And yet it's just a short time and we will be together again for all time.

Take care of Mom

Please take care of Mom--she needs each of you to help her and support her. Mom and I have grown in our marriage to become as one person. And now that I am gone, Mom will feel half-empty for quite a while. Please do your best to comfort her and encourage her. Life will go on, and Mom's heart will recover. But she will need each of you to fill her heart with your love. Her heart will ache for my love, but I am not there to give it anew, only as a memory of times past. Give her your love to help fill that void. Give her your love as you have never given it before. Hold her, kiss her, touch her, love her every chance you get. And not just for a short time, but for the rest of your lives.

As you honor Mom, you also honor me. She (like me) is not perfect. She will make mistakes. But please never ridicule or make fun of her mistakes. She might make a decision you don't like. But you still need to honor and support her. Please understand how hard it will be for her. She had been used to relying on me to make many of the decisions--and now she's alone. And yet she is not alone, because she has Jesus Christ and God the Father and her loving children to support her.

I know that life is not perfect, and I know there will be times when you likely will come up short in honoring your mother. But please remember what I always asked you to do when you did or said something disrespectful to Mom. I had you take time out, think about what you did or said and how it dishonored her, and then go to her to ask for her forgiveness. And she always forgave you. Just as she will continue to forgive you now. Just as God will always forgive you of your shortcomings, so will Mom forgive you. Sometimes there may be greater trials, and it will seem that things are not going to be right between you and Mom; but give it time and always make sure you go back to Mom to ask for forgiveness. And never let the sun go down on your wrath--don't go to bed angry. Talk it out. Take your love for me and give it to your mother, doubling your love for her.

Strive to maintain peace in your life and your relationship with others, especially with your brother and sisters. By maintaining peace in the family, you will make Mom that much happier. I know there will be times when peacefulness may seem difficult to maintain. But I ask that you learn to recognize the moment when you cease being peaceful. You will need to learn how to practice self-control in your lives. Learn to control your emotions. Do your best to keep negative words or actions from coming out. But if they do, recognize them, change and ask for forgiveness if you have hurt anyone. Each time you do this, you honor Mom and you honor me. And most of all, you honor God.

Negative pulls

As you get into your teenage years, there will be many more pulls toward sin in your life. The time will come when someone will ask you if you want to drink some beer, smoke cigarettes, smoke pot or do other drugs. Do not give in to these people. They are not your true friends--steer far from them. Seek purity in your life. You will honor me and honor yourself and honor God in doing so. We always provided you with an opportunity to drink a small amount of wine at our Sabbath meal as a way to instruct you on the proper use and moderation. When you are fully of age to buy and consume alcohol on your own, you will need to take personal responsibility for exercising self-control.

It is all too easy to drink more than one drink, especially during the high school and college years. If there is a party and the main activity taking place is drinking (or smoking or drugs, or anything else that you should not be doing), please don't go. Learn to say no to your friends when they ask you to come with them to parties like these. Spend time with Mom instead. Maybe that doesn't sound cool to your friends, but it is the thing that makes me infinitely happier, knowing that you are spending time with Mom, rather than putting yourself in a situation where you could have trouble. Do not follow after anyone who entices you to do evil. Avoid these people at all costs.

Dating and marriage

When you begin dating, please, please, please only date others who are of like mind about God and His way. Any others can and will cause problems. Your hearts are tender and need to be cared for by others of like mind. That doesn't mean you won't be attracted to others outside the Church. But hold yourself back from dating them or being alone with them. Give a polite but firm "No" when asked.

And when you are dating, keep your actions holy, just and pure. Remember that your body is not your own--it is reserved for your future mate. Mom and I had such a wonderful marriage because we knew that we wholly belonged to each other. Don't ever give away your body to another, either before marriage or after. And don't be afraid to say "No!" when a good, firm "No!" is needed! You will most certainly develop a reputation, be it a good one or a bad one. Make it a reputation of chastity, honesty and purity. Reserve your body for the full expression of your love after marriage. And don't kid yourself with, "Oh, it's OK, because this is the person I'm going to marry anyway." If you really want to marry that person, he or she will not mind waiting. In fact, you will be deeply respected for that. Wait and remain pure.

Grades, college and career

You know that I placed a lot of emphasis on education and doing your best in school. It is important and I do want you to succeed in school. Getting an A is great, but also allow some room in your life for the B's that will come along. If your best was a C, that's OK too. Just do your best.

It is important that you do your best, especially in high school, since your grades in high school will have a large impact on where you go to college. And when it comes time to choose a college after high school, seek out not only the best school, but the best school for the money.

College can be extremely expensive, so make sure the money is spent wisely. Go to the classes with the intent to really learn from your professors. Ask around before taking a class so that you can find the best professors. But also learn to be patient with the less than outstanding as well and look for the best in them. Always try to sit in the front row center of any class. It will help you to focus on the teacher/professor and concentrate on the subject.

Keep in mind that you don't have to choose a career (or even a major) right away your freshman year of college. Start out by learning more about yourself by taking career-planning tests in high school and early in college. And you should also seek to learn more about how your aptitudes and values affect your career selection.

But after you take all the tests and get all the input and explore all the options, don't let anyone else choose your career for you. Listen to the career counseling and learn as much as you can about different career possibilities. Then in the end choose a job you will love. Find work in your true passion, if at all possible. Don't worry about the money. The money will be enough if you are doing what you love. Along the way in your career and your life, be ready to make changes to further seek out fulfilling work in your life. And no matter what you do for a living, do your best to give back to others.

Happiness

In seeking happiness in life, remember that the happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything, but they do make the best of everything that comes along their way. Make the best of life and its challenges in a godly way and you will find true happiness. Always look for the positive in any situation. And always look for ways that you can give to others, rather than serving your own needs. It is by giving away to others that you will be personally enriched and blessed.

Remember, it's not where you start out in life, or where you are at any particular point in life. It's where you end up. Make each day a continuation of that journey on the path to the Kingdom of God and His righteousness. Always seek that as your end goal and all other things will follow.

I am now asleep in the ground, awaiting the resurrection. I can't speak to you anymore to give you all of the instructions of life that I want to give; I wish I could. I can't hold you close and comfort you in your times of need; I wish I could. I can't give you the confidence to face the trials in life that you will surely face; I wish I could. But I do know that we all have the promise of the resurrection and that we all will have the chance to be together once again in the future. There is a very special crown that has been laid up for you. Protect that crown. Polish it daily. Keep it holy and pure that we may once again share our joys in the world tomorrow.

I love you. And I look forward to the time when we will be together again, for all time, as joint heirs in the family of God. I will see you then...

This article was written by a father who wishes to remain anonymous.

Copyright 2002 by United Church of God, an International Association All rights reserved.


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Keywords: advice what would Jesus do honor parents parenting 

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