Four Ways to Patch Up Trust

Information Related to "Four Ways to Patch Up Trust"
Audio/Video
view Beyond Today

GN Cover Premier Issue

Good News Logo
Premier Issue

JUST FOR YOUTH
Four Ways to Patch Up Trust

After you goof and your parents lecture or punish you, there is something that you still need to do.

by Sarah Swenson

<font size=+3>A</font>
fter you goof and your parents lecture or punish you, there is something that you still need to do. You have to find ways of rebuilding their confidence in you. It's not that you have to do any one big thing; it's the little things that count.

Act, don't talk
You could start by doing extra things to help your parents out. I know you'll moan and groan when I say this, but housework is a good place to start. Trust me, cleaning bathrooms is about my least-favorite thing to do. But when I voluntarily clean the bathroom-or if I simply don't complain and do it cheerfully when Mom asks-I think I really endear myself to her. Just making my bed in the morning is appreciated, or cleaning up after a meal. She feels it is a step toward being more responsible-one of my parents' favorite vocabulary words.

Be open and honest
While you are doing the little things, don't forget big ones like honesty and being open. Most of us will probably never be able to share every detail of our lives with our parents. And, yes, sometimes we might even lie. We're only human. But we have to be super careful while trust is being built. Mom and Dad will be watching closely. If they think you are being dishonest with them in some way, it's not going to help.

My advice is to talk to them, using full sentences instead of one-word monotones. And don't try sneaking around behind their backs. If you don't know what to say, talk about your friends, love life (if you dare), school or why a movie or song is your favorite. They'll appreciate it. After a problem, I sometimes want to withdraw. But doing something with them can also be a good way to open up communication.

Share values
Your parents have a value system of what's right and wrong. A good value system includes the Ten Commandments, but it doesn't have to stop there. No drugs, no sex before marriage, no gambling and always putting God first are probably important values to your parents. Most likely they've been trying to instill these values in you.

But parents can't know if their values are your values unless you tell them. If you have never told them what's important to you yet, try it. I didn't realize this until I was talking to my mom one day and she was asking me these weird questions like, "So how do you feel about sex before marriage?" and "Would you ever do drugs?"

I was really surprised she asked. Didn't she know how I felt on those issues? It turns out she just needed reassurance because she was afraid my views might have changed over time. It will make your parents feel you are a lot safer if they know you are committed to doing the right thing. If you've decided to turn over a new leaf, don't keep it to yourself. Tell your parents and ask for help.

Prove yourself
Building trust is often a slow process. As it builds up, you will need a chance to prove that you can handle yourself better now. For example, I was allowed to sleep over at friends' homes later, and I never tried to bite another water bed again. Show your parents you learned your lesson. A lot of times we'll beg them to give us just one more chance. But building trust requires that we determine not to make the same mistake again. As our folks let out more and more rope, we don't want to hang ourselves with it. That would put us back to square one.

I don't think anyone can have a perfect relationship with his or her mom and dad. Probably all of us have broken trust or made our parents worry at some time.

Like I said, it may take some time to rebuild trust. But, once you establish an open and honest relationship, improve communication skills and show by your actions that you are trustworthy, your parents will feel closer to you and you might even get more trust (and freedom!) than before.

Rebuilding trust doesn't happen overnight. But it can happen! GN

Literature Request | How to Contact Us | Subject Index

Related Information:

Table of Contents that includes "Four Ways to Patch Up Trust"
Other Articles by Sarah Swenson
Keywords: Trust

Teens and friends:

Key Subjects Index
General Topics Index
Biblical References Index
Home Page of this site