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We all want to be there for grieving friends. Having the heart to make the right choice - and knowing practical things to do - can enable us to help our friends through their darkest moments.
by Andrea West
e all want to be there for grieving friends. Having the heart
to make the right choice-and knowing practical things to do-can
enable us to help our friends through their darkest moments.
My husband, Roger, and I rejoiced when the announcement was made that the Ryans' baby was born. We had a young family of our own, and I was happy to help Mary with the problems she was experiencing with breast-feeding. We gladly traveled the hour-long drive through a winter storm to offer our tips on the care and feeding of a newborn. The time we spent together really bonded us with the Ryans.
Then, several months later, we received tragic news. The baby had contracted an illness and died. I had never experienced the loss of a family member. To that time, this was the closest I had ever been to facing death. I didn't think I could possibly attend the funeral.
How could I cope with my emotions and fear of death, especially the untimely death of an innocent child? My husband had been visiting Church members until midnight the night before, so we decided it wouldn't matter if we weren't there.
We were saddened when one of the family members told us what the Ryans had mentioned before the funeral: "We know for sure that the Wests will be at the funeral, even if no one else comes." The Ryans had an understandably hard time with their baby's death. Over time we lost contact with them.
We weren't there for the Ryans at a time when they needed us. We had allowed our own emotions, fears and needs to get in the way of reaching out to them. But the realization that we had disappointed our friends in their time of need softened our hearts. We began to realize how important it is to be there for those who suffer loss.
Perhaps that's why the church in Kentucky we served for eight years made such an impact on us. The members there continue to set an outstanding example of heartfelt support for grieving families (James 1:27). Upon news of a death, people immediately respond with food and other physical help. What is more, they give of themselves.
The members not only set aside time to attend funerals, they often pay their respects at the funeral home as well. This sends a clear message to the grieving family: "The person we honor today was important to me, and you are too."
Conversation customarily ranges from tears of sorrow and loss to happy remembrances of the person now taken in death. The example of our Kentucky brethren helped me realize that death is a part of life, and I learned that we can help lighten the burden of death in a small way by being there in person.
These Church members also provide for the physical needs that can seem overwhelming in a time of sorrow.
On one tragic occasion, a young child drowned. The grieving family was immediately surrounded by community and Church friends. People carried in platters of food. One friend washed clothes. Another baby-sat the surviving children. Others brought paper plates, cups, towels and toilet paper.
Even children realized they could be of help. Brothers and sisters of the victim were surrounded by their friends, who hugged and comforted them.
That famous passage from Matthew's Gospel about taking care of others is all the more poignant to me now. "And the King will answer and say to them, `Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me'" (Matthew 25:40).
The painful experience with the Ryans taught us the importance of being there for friends at a time of loss. The shining example of our Kentucky brethren showed us what we can do to help. Through them God has helped soften our hearts and shown us how to be there for our friends in need. GN
Names used in this article were changed to protect the privacy of the people involved.
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Origin of article "A Heart of Flesh"
Keywords: death grief support service
Grief: