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				Letters to the Editor "I Was a Stranger..." Thank you. An excellent article and such a good reminder. Thank you. -- Lois Baughman Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones I am writing in response to the article "Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones" by Jean Jantzen. It touched my heart because I have been dealing with the issue for the past few weeks. Gossiping does nothing but create a distance between you and the person you speak about. But is it gossip when you share bad experiences in which your heart was broken by someone? Is telling close friends about the way in which a partner, boss, land lady or acquaintance treats you badly gossip? I thought it was therapeutic to speak about surviving a bad relationship or boss. Thanks -- D Thank you for writing. We have all struggled with the questions you ask. That's why we all need to regularly ask God to guide and guard our tongues -- to give us the love and wisdom to know what to say and what not to say, as well as when, where, how, etc. I just re-read the article you speak of and it is very good. But it is a short article and this is a big subject. The Bible has much to say about the destructiveness of gossip, but the Bible also makes it clear that when you care about people, you are eager to hear and share news. And you spoke about confidentially speaking to a counselor or friend about past experiences in order to better understand those experiences and know how to cope with them and, in some cases, to heal from the old hurts. Like you indicated, counseling with someone in an attempt to gain understanding, wisdom, therapy and healing is often needed. Here are some important considerations: What is your honest motive? Are you speaking with a heart of love and mercy or a heart of hate and spite? Is it to get help for yourself or someone else, or merely to make yourself feel better because you are getting a kind of revenge by talking about the person behind his back? Do you want to hurt or to heal? Are you wanting to build bridges or build walls? Don't assume you know someone else's thoughts. Don't impute motives. Can the person you are talking with be trusted to keep the discussion confidential? Even if you think the person you're speaking to can be trusted, be constructive and very careful with your words. Realize that it is possible that your words could get back to the person you are talking about. If the person you are talking to and the person you are talking about have a personal relationship, will you help or hurt that relationship? See Proverbs 16:28 and 17:9 about the problem of breaking up friendships. Here are some more scriptures about gossip, tale-bearing and slander: Leviticus 19:16; Psalm 41:6-9; 50:20; 101:5; Proverbs 10:18; 11:13; 20:19; Ezekiel 22:9; Romans 1:29-30; 1 Corinthians 4:13; 6:10; 2 Corinthians 12:20; 1 Peter 2:1; 2 Peter 2:10. And there are many, many scriptures about using your tongue in loving, constructive, beneficial ways. Correction given wisely and lovingly is a kind of tough love (Proverbs 3:12; 27:5-6,9,17). Whenever there is a problem between you and another person, the first course of action (after prayer) -- when it is practical to do so is to go confront the person directly and see if you can iron it out (Matthew 18:5-17). We hope this is helpful. Let us know if we can be of further help. May God guide and bless you. Some feedback messages are edited for space and/or clarity Copyright 2007 by United Church of God, an International Association All rights reserved.

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