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'Why Have You Made Me Like This?' By Robert Berendt Some things we can and should change about ourselves. Other things we didn't choose and can't change, no matter how we try. How should we deal with the way we're made?
mong all of the inner feelings and forces that drive mankind, few are as painful as being unhappy with ourselves. We have not made ourselves. As children, we did not choose our parents, gender, language, training or experiences of life. Our heredity and environment shaped who we are, and now we have to live with it. Once we are adults, we may have the chance to learn new things and change what we are. Yet people living in some remote tribe with a fixed behavior pattern are truly shackled and unable to make many changes. Poverty shackles a person as well.
Disagreements about sex God created us male and female. He created us with the highest sex drive from teenage to age 35. Women begin to be less able to conceive after age 30. He created us with sex drives so we will have children and love our mates. His system allows for the development of a family -- a family that starts with the interest of a man and a woman for each other, the coming of children, and the growth of love and appreciation for one another. Too often we humans disagree! We think God made a mistake. We know better. We think sex is only for fun and the more you have, the more fun it is. We think children are a drag. Even if we say we want children, we think our young adult years should be for fun, fun, fun . The children can wait until we get close to 40. We show off our bodies and tie sex into everything that we want to sell, advertise, teach or use. We have developed birth control methods that allow us to put self-control and responsibility behind us and just have "fun." And if all else fails, many believe abortion is an option. We want to spend our young adult years having fun and leave the serious things like career and family for our 40s. We struggle against nature -- against God. We blame God for giving us AIDS and then strive to find a cure so that we can go on living just the way we please. Forty million people are dying of AIDS, but we will not learn. God did create sex to be enjoyed and to bring delight for married couples. But pleasure without major problems only happens when His way is followed. We say, "Why have you made me like this?" -- and want to change it. When birth control becomes irreversible
One of the greatest challenges psychiatrists say they face is dealing with women over 40 who now desperately want children, which they refused to have when God designed them to be mothers. In Canada, the average family is 1.5 children now -- not enough to sustain our population. Our way of life is in jeopardy because we defy God and want to do things "our way." We'll never admit to that. We have many excuses and reasons, but all of them sound very hollow when you look back on your life. Lest some misunderstand, let me say that just because a person is at the prime of life for childbearing or a sexual relationship, does not mean he or she should rush into anything. If responsibility, maturity, consideration and respect for self and others have not been developed, then that person is not properly prepared for marriage or parenthood. Our society is falling woefully short of the task of training our children to be responsible for what they do and who they are. Children need to know that God made us male and female for a very good reason. The drive for sexual gratification is a blessing God gives -- when used properly. It is a curse when we think we know better than God. I have met many a man who in his later years bitterly regretted the result of his life and wished he could have had one wife and children more than anything else. He made us like Him
The book of Ecclesiastes was inspired by God to help us understand the pattern too many follow. It tells of an intelligent man who had everything, tried everything, did everything his way and was totally unhappy. We read in Ecclesiastes 2:9-11 that after he tried everything, he realized that "all was vanity [futility, for no purpose]." Wisdom, high IQ and any other blessing or gift that a person has is largely wasted unless it is developed and used properly. His final conclusion is found in Ecclesiastes 12:13 where we read: "Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is man's all ['the whole duty of man,' King James Version]." Learning from others' examples God knew humans would not listen to Him. We can and do learn, though. Some of the lessons are very painful. Luke 15 carries the story of the prodigal son. He had a ball until all his money was gone, and suddenly he was not so popular. In the end, he went home and tried to start over. Starting over is not always possible. One always hopes one can, but there are always scars that we carry. Our memory remains and even those who come to God in deep repentance will carry their memories and scars to their graves. We are made that way. There is a great lesson that we can take from the life of Joseph. It would have been easy for him to grow bitter. He was in a bad predicament for years because He relied on God and tried to obey God every day. He learned to accept the situation and yet look for ways to improve himself and the conditions around him. God was always there, and when Joseph was trained and ready, God stepped in and life was beautiful for him once again. The lesson is that we must trust God. We must work with all our might to improve ourselves and our lot in life with God's help, yet pray as though all our progress depends on God to intervene in times of trouble. The lesson seems simple, but it is learned through pain and suffering by many. We are what we are -- complaining will not change that. Building on what we are and having God as our helper is the answer (Psalm 30:10; 54:4). Now all we need to do is look for the right pieces of knowledge to apply in every situation. You will find the foundation for that knowledge in God's guidebook -- the Bible. Recommended reading We may not be able to change our genetics or some parts of our environment, but we can make major improvements in the most important aspects of life -- our relationships. contains helpful tips and biblical principles for better relationships with family and friends and God. You can read it online or request a free copy be mailed to you. Copyright 2005 by United Church of God, an International Association All rights reserved. |
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Keywords: sex
Sex, premarital: