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How
would you like the benefit of more than one thousand years of experience
from people who are enjoying fulfilling and happy marriages? With about
half of all marriages ending in divorce, it might be good to learn from
those who have made this God-plane relationship last.
A
survey of those who have been married for at least 20 years was taken at
the 2003 Feast of Tabernacles in Branson, Missouri. Those who responded
represented 1,082 years of marriage. The average couple had spent 27 years
together and their advice was real and heartfelt. If you want to find a
soul mate and grow old together, why not read what these veterans of married
life have to say?
When asked to list some keys used to keep marriage viable, R.S. responded: "Marriage is a lifetime commitment. Have respect for the differences that your mate has. Kiss and make up when you quarrel and learn to be tolerant."
M.K. commented: "The attitude of 'once married always married' is important. So ask yourself, 'Do I want to spend the rest of my life with this person?' You will be spending it together through all of life's trials."
A.J. added, "Always consider each other's feelings and have some goals in life. Marry someone in the Church, have lots of love, laughter and hugs."
There were many comments about the need for commitment and compromise in dealing with the struggles of an imperfect mate. A morsel of wisdom from J.J. suggested that we "look at the big picture and don't dwell on small stuff. Choose your battles; they are not all worth fighting for. Sometimes a 'victory' is worse than taking the loss."
Although it might seem daunting to think about decades of shared living, one veteran, J.K., suggested: "Love each other; looks fade but love lasts forever. Build your marriage one day at a time and learn from mistakes. Pray each day for each other."
Another
part of the survey was a list of 12 attributes. They included in random
order: patience, love, sex, kindness, wealth, conversion, mutual hobbies,
attractiveness, sense of humor, nice car, good job and forgiveness. Mates
were asked to rank these attributes in order of importance.
The top three were forgiveness, patience and kindness. The second tier included conversion, love, sense of humor and good job. Those that ranked last included nice car, wealth and sex.
In a throwaway age where nothing seems to last very long and where people change jobs, houses and mates at a growing pace, it is nice to see that there are some who have found the secret of relational success. Where do you find such a potential mate?
The advice from our pool of marital heroes is incredibly practical. When asked about what advice could be given to young adults to help them find and keep a mate, T.T. said, "Take time to get to know the person. Determine compatibility on an objective level before becoming emotionally involved." Another anonymous comment was: "Find someone whose values are close to your values."
A.J. added, "Ask God for His help first. Look for someone who shares the same goals and interests. Wait until you are mature and let God find him or her for you." F.T. said, "Know the person before marriage and don't go into marriage with the plan to change your mate."
The Holy Bible also has a lot of valuable advice. It tells us not to "awaken love" until the time is right (Song of Solomon 3:5; 8:4, New Living Translation). Pressure is everywhere for young people to have sexual relationships before marriage. You can't find much entertainment today that isn't dripping with lurid sexual innuendos. No wonder so many relationships are only skin deep, because that is all that seems to matter. Ironically, so many people today yearn for the solace and security of a caring, symbiotic relationship founded on the right premise that goes much deeper than sex.
Perhaps
the most vital ingredient in a marital relationship is to understand the
mystery of marriage. God created the first man and gave him a wife. As the
Author of this bond, He is the One who defines its intent. God told man
to leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife. They were to become
one flesh (Genesis 2:24).
The apostle Paul rehearsed this same message in Ephesians 5:31-32 and commented that this relationship is a great mystery. He went on to explain that it symbolized the relationship of Christ and the Church.
This bride is the Church of God, made up of those who are committed to Christ and follow the laws of God. While this might seem simplistic, it really is a key to finding happiness in a marital relationship. A man and woman in marriage are designed to have a shared mission or goal of developing holy, righteous character.
When it works, it looks like this: "Let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband" (Ephesians 5:33).
With love and respect you get longevity wrapped in the fruit of joy and peace. How sad that many marriages are hollow shells of what God intended!
As a young person, it is natural for you to want a lifelong relationship. God made us to want and need the companionship of a soul mate who will encourage and inspire us.
One famous writer once summed up the needs of a man and a woman by saying that a man would charge hell with a bucket of water if he knew somebody cared, and that a woman needed the security that her man would not desert her.
Marriage takes planning and preparation as well as lots of hard work. May each of you reading this article be blessed with the gift of a happy marriage. When that happens, determine to do your best to keep it viable, righteous and long-lasting. Remember that relationships are not discovered as much as they are developed. This will take work, but the payoff will be a best friend with whom to share life's greatest joys. VT
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Keywords: marriage, advice on marriage, building your happy marriage
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