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Most of us have been in a position at some time when we had to give correction to another person. This situation is almost always uncomfortable. But if we take the time to prepare for it well in advance, the task can become not only easier, but have positive and encouraging results.
As anyone who has ever received correction knows (and who hasn't?), the manner in which it is given has a great impact on how it is received and, additionally, on whether or not it is ingested and produces good fruit.
So how can we go about giving correction in a way that leads to the best outcome? The following method may sound a little unusual at first, but if you try it, you may experience a positive result.
Prepare ahead of time
Preparing and giving appropriate, timely and loving correction can be compared to serving a good meal. After all, your purpose is to help the other person, giving something nourishing so he or she can grow. Here are some helpful steps:
• First, plan your menu well in advance. What are your anticipated outcomes? Is this a heavy conversation from an employer to an employee, such as a yearly evaluation? Maybe it is in preparation for a raise or promotion.
Perhaps it is an intense disciplinary meeting. If this is the case, considerably more time and effort will be needed in the planning stages. Additionally, documentation of the items discussed and, in many cases, the signature of the individual with whom you are meeting could be required. There could be applicable labor laws to consider, and there may be a need to invite another individual to witness or take part in the discussion.
• Second, consider your motivation. Providing correction should be an act of love and concern for the other individual. Your goal is to help. Anger, jealousy, hurt feelings or other negative emotions should not be a part of the picture.
If these feelings are present, you should, if possible, wait for another opportunity. Emotional conflict will not only likely distort your judgment and perspective, but it also will rarely produce the desired end result. If you don't care enough about the person you are working with to help him or her move in a positive direction, you probably should not be giving correction at all!
• Next, think about location and timing. Make sure that your seating is comfortable and not intimidating. Think about the immediate environment. Will other people be around who might inadvertently overhear? What is the state of mind of the other person? What time of day will this conversation occur?
Are the circumstances in the room comfortable and pleasant, or will they cause uneasiness in either you or the person with whom you are conversing? Have you spent enough time thinking about what you are going to say to ensure that you will not blurt out something unintentional or something that could be misconstrued?
• Finally, make sure that all your facts are accurate. Hearsay evidence, supposed actions, gossip or insinuations are never appropriate reasons for corrective action.
Additionally, you must be very sure that you are not putting your motives behind another's actions. Sometimes we can hear a statement or witness another's deeds and assume that we know their motivation based on what we would be thinking if we had done or said the same thing. This often reveals a motive, but not the one we intend! The perceived actions of another could be far more innocent than ours would have been in the same situation!
Presenting the situation
Once you have considered these steps, how do you actually deliver? Continuing with the analogy, consider the steps a master chef takes to serve a well-prepared meal.
• Set the table. Make sure that the environment, as discussed earlier, is
conducive to producing the right results.
• Use the right serving tools. Just as you wouldn't serve gravy with a fork, you need to make sure you have the right tools to serve correction. Prior to the event, arm yourself with prayer and meditation. Make sure that your facts are accurate. Have paper and pen handy (and maybe a box of tissues!). Know where to go if you discover you have need of further expertise.
• Prepare an appetizer. Draw the other person into the event by giving him or her a reason to want to be there. Correction should be positive; it should bring about a change that makes life or work better. Encourage the other person by showing how much he or she will benefit from the information you are going to provide.
• Provide a well-balanced, attractive meal. Think about every aspect of what you need to say to be sure that it flows well and is palatable. Balancing corrective statements with encouraging facts is like serving tasty garnishes or side dishes alongside the main dish, which by itself might be hard to swallow. It gives a variety of things to "chew on," is much more pleasant to the eye and allows for diversity.
Stick to the facts, to be sure, but intersperse them with lighter statements that are still on point, but perhaps not all of the same weight.
• Use appropriate seasoning. Provide liberal amounts of gentleness, meekness, kindness and possibly even humor. Sprinkle humility liberally over the course of the conversation.
• Provide a beverage. Constantly pressing an individual with facts and statements can be like continually shoving dry bread into his or her mouth. Giving him or her time to occasionally breathe and "lighten up" can be like supplying a refreshing glass of water (which you might also like to do!). Give the person time between "gulps" of information to pause and be refreshed and digest what he or she has heard.
• Finish with a good dessert. What do you want this person to take away from the table? You want him or her to be full and nourished by all that's been ingested, but the taste at the end should be even more pleasant and intriguing than the appetizer. After all, the purpose for the correction is to bring about and encourage positive change that will make life better.
You should end on an uplifting and encouraging note and, as much as possible, leave your "guest" willing to come back for more. If your motive is that of love, this is actually possible!
Adapt to other situations
Of course, there are times and situations when having a lot of preparatory time is not possible. When correcting a child who is engaging in dangerous activity or stopping a sudden or emerging situation, there may not be an opportunity to do much other than put a sudden and abrupt halt to the actions of another.
But after the immediate situation has passed, and when time permits, it is still imperative to take the time to stop and discuss what happened and why, and to formulate a plan to prevent the situation from occurring in the future. This should be done privately, and with love and genuine concern.
And regrettably, with some people a gentle approach like that described here simply won't work or isn't enough. Then a more direct and forceful approach will be needed.
So whatever type of correction you are serving, be sure to plan your approach—your menu—well with the health of your "guest" in mind, having a variety of encouraging and tantalizing morsels that are well prepared, and leaving him or her with a positive plan for growth and improvement. GN
Recommended Reading
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