Same-Sex Marriage: Does It Meet With God's Approval?

The gay agenda is steadily gaining ground in Western nations, with same-sex marriage finding acceptance. But what does the Bible say—and why? And what's at the root of same-sex attraction?

by Melvin Rhodes

The U.S. Supreme Court's June decision striking down state laws banning homosexual acts between consenting adults was the latest victory in the cultural war between those advocating full acceptance of homosexuality in public life and those opposed on various grounds.

It followed decisions announced earlier in the month from Britain that a law banning the promotion of homosexuality in schools would be repealed and a stunning announcement from Canada that an Ontario appeals court had ruled that refusing same-sex couples the rights of marriage was discriminatory.

A similar decision is now pending in the Massachusetts Supreme Court, with major implications for the other 49 American states —which are constitutionally obligated to recognize the actions of all other states. With two European countries already allowing it, and several others allowing civil unions, same-sex marriage is a major and growing issue.

Nor is this only a secular issue. In August the U.S.-based Episcopalian Church shocked many of its members by approving its first openly homosexual bishop and giving local dioceses the option of deciding whether to perform same-sex marriages.

How did marriage begin?

Marriage is a constant theme throughout the Bible, as we might expect it to be. After all, the Bible is largely about human relationships, and none is so fundamental as marriage.

At the beginning, when God created Adam, the first man, He said: "It is not good that man should be alone" (Genesis 2:18). God created for him a female companion, Eve, meaning "life" or "living," for "she was the mother of all living" (Genesis 3:20).

God's plan for the male and female sexes is then clearly instituted: "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). In joining them as man and wife, the Creator of mankind instituted marriage. In the next verse Adam and Eve are clearly described as a married couple: "And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed" (verse 25).

Thousands of years later we see the covenant relationship between God and the nation of Israel, whom He had chosen, likened to the marital relationship (Isaiah 54:5; Jeremiah 3:14).

In the New Testament, Jesus Christ reinforces the special relationship between a husband and wife: "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,' and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate" (Matthew 19:4-6).

He stated further: "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so" (verse 8). Clearly, marriage between a husband and wife was intended to be for life.

Following the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, the apostle Paul wrote extensively on marriage. In his epistle to the Ephesians, chapter 5, he compares the marital union of a husband and wife to the relationship between Christ and the Church.

He writes: "For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church ... Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her ... that He might present her to Himself a glorious church ... So husbands ought to love their own wives ..." (verses 23-28).

Later we see, at the very close of the Bible, a time still ahead when Jesus Christ returns and marries His Bride, the Church (Revelation 19:7). In these scriptural references we see a totally committed relationship between Jesus Christ and His true followers, the Church.

The Western crisis in marriage

Today we live in an age in which commitment within marriage has become rare, especially in the richer Western world. For centuries the laws of Western nations relating to marriage were very strict. Divorce was not usually permitted.

In the last century, however, we have seen dramatic changes in laws relating to marriage. Among the most significant were the no-fault divorce laws passed in most of the Western democracies a little over 30 years ago. These laws contributed greatly to the trivialization of marriage, making it easier for a husband or wife to walk away from that commitment.

At the same time, the availability of the birth control pill made it quite acceptable for unmarried couples to live together, as supposedly there were now no negative consequences to sex outside of marriage. These major societal shifts further diminished the marital relationship even as they encouraged a vast rise in premarital sex and adultery.

In turn, these were—and still are—promoted as "alternative lifestyles," with mass media constantly depicting temporary relationships without commitment as fun and faithful marriage as tedious. The tragic result was an explosion of terrible consequences—broken homes, abandoned children, depression, crime, substance abuse and sexually transmitted diseases that remain with us today.

Another major shift in sexual attitudes

In the "anything goes" atmosphere of the 1960s and 70s, it was only a matter of time before other lifestyles would become accepted.

Before 1973 American psychiatrists considered same-sex attraction (homosexuality) as abnormal behavior and offered treatment accordingly. But a decision that year reversed this long-held stand. No longer was same-sex attraction classified as abnormal.

Similar decisions had already been made in other Western nations. In a span of 30 years, people practicing homosexual acts would go from being considered criminals by society to being accepted, if not fully embraced, by much of the heterosexual community.

In recent years same-sex couples have increasingly pressed for the legal option of entering a full marital union. Two European countries, Belgium and the Netherlands, already have laws permitting such marriages. Several other European countries allow civil unions, which give same-sex couples the same rights as heterosexual couples without a legal marriage. The American state of Vermont also permits same-sex civil unions.

Following the June Ontario appeals court decision that ruled in favor of same-sex unions being equal to heterosexual unions, the Canadian government announced that it would legislate same-sex marriages into law in the near future. In the United States, Massachusetts appears likely to make a similar decision in favor of same-sex marriages. It seems only a matter of time before the whole country follows suit.

It should be noted that, in the United States at least, it is the courts that have made these changes possible rather than the voters, as polls consistently show that a majority of Americans do not support same-sex marriage. Federal and state lawmakers wouldn't risk the ire of voters on this issue, and even Canada is simply following a decision of the court.

As with so many of the liberal social reforms of the last four decades, the courts have played a leading role in changing society, with activist judges sometimes arbitrarily creating new rights and law where none were previously spelled out.

While many on both sides of the argument will claim that this is a worldwide issue, the fact remains that this is essentially a Western phenomenon, thereby further widening the gap between the rich Western democracies and the poorer nations.

The fault lines are also spreading throughout the Western religious world, with major international church denominations facing increasing division over this issue and that of the ordination of homosexual clergy.

Does the Bible offer guidance?

Why doesn't the Bible mention same-sex marriages? The answer is simple—no such institution existed when it was written! No matter how bad some of the societies described in the Bible were, they never went so far as to have same-sex marriages.

Make no mistake, the Word of God approves only one sexual relationship: that between a husband and wife within marriage. You can search the Scriptures from Genesis to Revelation looking for the existence or approval of such alternative relationships as living together and same-sex marriage, but there is none. Certainly there are accounts of fornication, adultery and same-sex relationships, but they are always in the context of sin, which is the breaking of God's law (1 John 3:4).

And yes, some of God's most faithful servants committed sins in the sexual area—and the Bible duly records the painful consequences their actions had on them and others. These servants of God allowed themselves to be unduly influenced by the society around them, just as Christians can be today.

So why does our Creator forbid all sexual relationships outside of marriage? Does He not want us to have what some consider to be fun? Does God not want those who are attracted to the same sex to have the same happiness, commitment and sense of fulfillment that is achievable within a committed, lifelong, heterosexual marriage?

In John 10:10 Jesus Christ states, "I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." God wants us to be happy, to live fulfilled and joyful lives.

That is precisely why He gave us the Ten Commandments, some of which deal with the family relationship. It is also part of the reason He instituted marriage. Within the framework of a stable, committed marriage, people can find a sense of loving security. Children especially need this when they are brought into the world.

So why can't gay couples have it too? Some argue that they also deserve the happiness of a stable and committed marriage. And in this age of AIDS and many other terrible diseases, shouldn't we encourage same-sex partners to remain faithful to one another, just as we do heterosexual couples through the institution of marriage?

Sex and the Bible

In the Bible, marriage is always between a husband and wife. There are no scriptural accounts of same-sex marriages, even though homosexual relationships were common and sometimes encouraged in the Greco-Roman world of early New Testament times (although an exclusively homosexual orientation was considered an aberration even in that society, which understood the necessity of heterosexual marriage for the production and raising of children).

Pagan gentile society notwithstanding, both the Old and New Testaments of the Bible clearly condemn sexual acts between members of the same sex. "You shall not lie with a male as with a woman. It is an abomination," says Leviticus 18:22.

Why does the Bible forbid such behavior? God created the first two human beings male and female, bound them as husband and wife in a sexual union and instructed them to have children (Genesis 2:24-25; 1:28). The biblical account of our first human parents makes it clear that God ordained the marriage of Adam and Eve, creating the family union of a man and a woman.

God designed this union to stabilize and protect male-female and parent-child relationships with love and security. It was also designed to serve as a pattern or model of the relationship God wants to have with His people (Ephesians 5:23-33).

There is no question that male-female attraction is God's intended design. Homosexuality, on the other hand, is a developmental disorder that leads to actions and lifestyles diametrically opposite to the male-female design.

When Adam and Eve rejected God's instructions and determined to do things their own way, they set humanity on a course that every human being since has chosen to follow. Consequently, as a result of man's rejection of God, men and women are experiencing an array of confused or conflicted interpersonal relationships—including homosexuality. Although homosexuality may feel "natural" to people who have same-sex attraction, it in fact reflects a yearning that God intended to be met within the natural male-female family context, with parents providing the proper natural affection and approval their children need.

Man and woman: A perfect creation

When God created Adam and Eve, "they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed" (Genesis 2:25). Additionally, we read that "God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good" (Genesis 1:31).

This tells us that God's creation was "very good," including His creation of the first man and the first woman, Adam and Eve. Even their naked bodies were physically perfect, created differently, but also perfectly, to complement each other and to bring additional human beings into the world, in the image of God (Genesis 1:26-28). Adam was pleased with his new companion, to whom he remained married for a very long time, until death. He was clearly attracted to her—they gave birth to many children.

What we learn from these passages is that a man should naturally be attracted to the female body. As Adam and Eve were the only two people living at this time, they could walk around unclothed without any sense of shame or embarrassment.

God intended men to be attracted to women, and vice versa. When a man is not attracted to women, something has gone wrong in the natural development of his mind, as this is not the way God intended things to be.

Causes of same-sex attraction

It is common today for men who consider themselves gay to say that they were born that way, but there is no convincing evidence for this. Homosexuality is not caused by a "gay gene," or identical twins would always both be gay—and they usually aren't.

What is the truth? As most homosexual males and some lesbians can only remember same-sex attractions, even when very young, we can conclude that their early development was affected in some way that led to a different sexual orientation.

Research has shown that the basic common cause of homosexuality, whether male or female, is an emotional detachment from the parent of the same sex (see interview with Dr. Joseph Nicolosi, page 20). This causes insecurity about the child's own masculinity (or femininity) and makes the forming of friendship bonds with those of the same sex much more difficult, frequently leading to painful rejection. Often added to this in the case of boys is a mother who overly compensates, giving the son too much female affection and fawning over in the early stages of his life.

Deprived of normal male love and affection, the boy starts out in life with a desperate longing for what is a legitimate unmet need. The inevitable attraction to the same sex in itself is not a sin. Later on, however, that need often becomes sexualized—leading to sinful homosexual acts with other boys and men. At the same time, the smothering love and affection he received from his mother often will have contributed to a rejection of women as a source of love.

This developmental tragedy often takes place within the first two or three years of childhood. Typically, in the first year, a baby bonds with the mother as she gives birth to the child and then breastfeeds and generally nurtures him. After the child is weaned, the father must play a more prominent role.

This is the time when sexual identity is formed. If the father is absent, or unwilling or unable to fulfill his role, then the child will feel rejection—and the basis on which homosexual feelings can develop will have been laid.

Note the importance of perception—either of the lack of loving affection or of rejection. In some cases a father truly may be affectionate and loving to his son, but the boy may not perceive it and instead develops feelings of rejection.

Or, in a family of several boys where the father is so busy with work or other things that he fails to spend any time with them, all are neglected, but only one may turn out to have homosexual tendencies. This is the one who perceived rejection, perhaps because he was more sensitive than the others.

Struggle for those dealing with same-sex attraction

Sadly, these tendencies and unmet needs remain. Because this lack becomes a part of one's mental and emotional makeup at such an early age, it should be understood that exclusively same-sex attraction is seldom a voluntary, conscious choice.

Homosexual acts, however, just like heterosexual acts, are a voluntary choice. While the attraction may be there in a way that is not a matter of choice, it is one's choice to dwell on or entertain thoughts that can lead to sin. Jesus Christ pointed out that mentally entertaining thoughts of illicit sexual acts is itself a sin (Matthew 5:27-28).

Paul urged Christians to be aware of the spiritual struggles in which all of us are engaged, emphasizing our need to discipline our thoughts and bring "every thought into captivity" (2 Corinthians 10:4-5). James, Jesus' half-brother, wrote that mentally dwelling on temptations typically leads us into lust and sin, so we must short-circuit the process before sin results (James 1:14-15; compare 4:8).

Some give in to their same-sex attraction later on in life and enter the gay lifestyle. Others, often due to religious beliefs, try to fight their desires and overcome them. These people are often called strugglers, reflecting the reality that it is a lifetime struggle. Another term increasingly used is healers, recognizing that they are seeking emotional healing for their condition. A combination of both terms (struggler-healer) is appropriate.

Many people with same-sex attraction experience social isolation and emotional pain as they struggle to cope with their lives. Some endure a struggle between coping with their homosexuality and remaining faithful to their religious beliefs. For many, it is a lonely, secret struggle that can sometimes involve excruciating pain.

Some give in to their same-sex attraction and enter the gay lifestyle. Others, in spite of their pain, continue to struggle, often in isolation, to remain faithful to their religious beliefs. In recent years, a number of social and religious organizations have recognized the need to help and support these individuals who struggle to be faithful to their religious convictions, although the work of these organizations has often been viewed as controversial.

This is where churches and individual Christians can help. Those who struggle with same-sex attraction not only battle with their unnatural sexual desires every day of their lives, they also have to do so in secret. Sometimes they seek help from others. Typically, they will either go to their church pastor or priest, seek psychological help or talk to a close friend. All three choices are problematic. Seeking help from the wrong person can lead to even greater withdrawal and a deepening fear of sharing with anyone.

Some church pastors may overreact when the problem of same-sex attraction is brought to them. This can push the person seeking and needing help into further isolation, even to the point of feeling rejected by God. Some people have made things worse by betraying the confidence of the individual out of misguided concern for others in the congregation.

Seeking professional psychiatric help can also be a problem for struggler-healers. Since the American Psychiatric Association's change of policy on homosexuality 30 years ago, most of those seeking help today will not be encouraged to change, but rather to reaffirm their same-sex feelings and embrace the gay lifestyle.

Sharing the problem with a friend can often end a friendship, as most men cannot handle a confession of homosexual feelings. Another obvious complication is the possibility of physical feelings developing toward the friend. While this is a problem that will need to be resolved, it should not rule out helping someone struggling with same-sex attraction.

Since the root cause of such attraction is rejection causing emotional detachment, someone struggling with this problem will find further rejection devastating. Not having had a close, loving relationship with the father in early childhood, there is a great need for such a relationship with another male. This need should be met in a nonsexual relationship with a heterosexual male who wants to help.

The apostle James wrote: "Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much" (James 5:16). It should be possible for Christians to share their problems with other Christians, expecting help and encouragement in return, even when their problem is one of unresolved homosexual desires and feelings.

Sadly, most people who struggle with this problem will say that the response to sharing is usually negative. They soon learn to shut up and keep their problem a secret. Many, through discouragement, have even given up on trying to live God's way and have sought solace and acceptance in the gay community.

However, this is never the answer for a Christian. Christians realize that God gave us His laws because He cares for us. Certain sexual relationships are forbidden because they can never satisfy and lead to great emotional pain from which God wants to spare us.

The apostle Paul wrote: "Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body" (1 Corinthians 6:18). This is not just a warning against sexually transmitted diseases. It is also a warning against all the emotional damage that results from unfulfilling relationships based on sex, whether heterosexual or homosexual. Sadly, this lack of fulfillment for homosexuals often leads them into more and more sin, in a desperate and futile attempt to find the love they never thought or felt they received as a child.

Encouraging lessons from ancient Corinth

We learn from the apostle Paul's letters, preserved in the New Testament, that some people in the Corinthian church had come out of this homosexual lifestyle to become truly converted Christians.

Corinth was a port city in which all kinds of sexual and other vices were all too common, and notice that Paul warns the Church members there against slipping into such sins. "Do not be deceived," he wrote. "Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites ... will inherit the kingdom of God" (1 Corinthians 6:9-10). The separate references to "homosexuals" and "sodomites" in Greek refers to different roles taken in homosexual couples.

We should note that in Paul's writings here, he condemns not only homosexual acts, but fornication and adultery as well. Too many Christians are quick to turn a blind eye to their own heterosexual sins while quickly condemning homosexual acts on the part of others.

It cannot be emphasized enough: All sexual acts outside of a biblically sanctioned marriage are a sin. The apostle James put it well when he wrote, "For whoever shall keep the whole law, and yet stumble in one point, he is guilty of all" (James 2:10). So gay-bashing—attacking gays or singling out homosexual behavior as the worst sin—is unjustified.

In the following verse of 1 Corinthians 6, those struggling with same-sex attraction can read some very encouraging words from Paul: "And such were some of you," he notes. "But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God" (verse 11).

"And such were some of you" is in the past tense. The implication of this is clear: There were people in this Greek-speaking congregation, in a part of the world where homosexual acts were typically considered normal, who came out of their homosexual practices upon repentance and were able to overcome their desires.

What happens when society rejects God?

Although homosexuality is common to all cultures, it is in the Western democracies that the gay movement is most vocal. This was not the case even 50 years ago. This could mean that there are more people with homosexual leanings today than there were then, although militant gays would argue that it simply reflects progress made by them in gaining societal acceptance.

The truth, however, is that the greater numbers can easily be explained by the fact that the traditional family has progressively broken down in the last four decades with easier divorce and greater promiscuity. Absent or distant fathers are more common now than ever before, creating conditions in which the factors that may lead to homosexuality can flourish.

Writing to the church in Rome, Paul wrote a passage of Scripture that is quite applicable today. He showed a certain progression that takes place in human thinking that flows from man's rejection of God.

"... Although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Professing to be wise, they became fools, and changed the glory of the incorruptible God into an image made like corruptible man—and birds and four-footed animals and creeping things. Therefore God also gave them up to uncleanness, in the lusts of their hearts, to dishonor their bodies among themselves ...

"For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due. And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting" (Romans 1:21-28).

What this passage shows is that man progressively moves farther and farther away from God's way of thinking when he rejects the Bible. Our societies testify to this fact. Since the theory of evolution gained popularity a century and a half ago, Western nations have progressively distanced themselves from God. Now the thinking of most people is warped, not based on and often not even taking into consideration godly values or biblical teaching.

The theory of evolution—and its attendant arguments that there is no such thing as a Creator and that the Bible is merely a collection of myths—has affected man's thinking to the point of acceptance of gay marriage. It has taken a long time, yes, but the link is there. When people believe that human beings are nothing more than highly evolved animals, there is no basis for saying "no" to same-sex marriage—and many other things as well.

When God's Word has been rejected by government and banished from schools and public life, anything is acceptable. After gay marriage, can we expect to see pressure to legalize group marriage, incest and pedophilia? After all, the same rationale the U.S. Supreme Court used in striking down state laws against sodomy also applies to these sins.

Collectively, Western society is heading down the same road as ancient Sodom and Gomorrah, two cities that God destroyed for their varied sins—one of which was homosexuality, Sodom giving its name to sodomy. Yet individually, everyone has the opportunity to repent and come out of this society's sliding standards and morals, to embrace God's way and fight, with His help, against any tendencies that do not conform to His law. This is the only way to true happiness and fulfillment. GN

Same-Sex Marriage: Does It Meet With God's Approval?

The gay agenda is steadily gaining ground in Western nations, with same-sex marriage finding acceptance. But what does the Bible say—and why? And what's at the root of same-sex attraction?

by Melvin Rhodes

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