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Are You Pulling Your Own Hair? By Steve and Jada Howell Do we often overreact to situations without looking within? How can we better cope with offenses in life? Watching our newborn gave us food for thought about how adults react, and how we can better handle hurts and offense ourselves.
ast summer when our youngest child was only a few weeks old, I observed something that concerned, then tremendously amused, me. He was sprawled on a blanket in the middle of our living room floor in the famous "fencer pose" newborns exhibit, and I was sitting beside him. I turned for a few seconds to find some new toys for him to look at, when he screamed. I thought at first his sister startled him. However, the screaming intensified and I began to panic. Several thoughts raced through my mind about feedings and diaper changes. But I knew he was freshly changed and full. Feeling helpless, I tried to figure out what was the matter. Finally, I took a closer look at him and realized he had grabbed a fistful of his own hair and was pulling with all his might. The ridiculousness of the situation made it difficult for me to dislodge his fist. I was laughing so hard! As I separated his hand and hair, he became quite calm. The incident was so amusing to me I immediately called my husband to inform him of our son's latest escapade.
We have all made mistakes. Every human being on earth has sinned (Romans 3:23). We should realize this fact. But, who is the first person we blame for our shortcomings? We don't want to lay the blame on ourselves--we wish someone else to be the scapegoat. As our son had screamed when he thought someone else was pulling his hair, we scream at another person (and sometimes even at God), for causing a problem, when, all along, we are the ones tugging and causing the trouble. We look at others' behavior and find offense with what they are doing, not ourselves. Let's examine some of those behaviors which may most offend us and consider how we should deal with them. Mad at the mirror If we are truly honest with ourselves, we should see that the things that offend us often come from inadequacies within our own character. Traits that are most offensive to us often mirror our own shortcomings. We leap to point out faulty traits in others, for we can't admit we are wrong in our attitude. Our human nature causes us to reject the idea we are flawed. This approach stems from the father of selfishness, self-righteousness and deceit--Satan the devil. God cast Satan down when Satan thought he was better than God and refused to see faults within himself (Isaiah 14:12-14). In Ezekiel 28:15, God said of Satan, "You were perfect in your ways from the day you were created, till iniquity was found in you." So, Satan became self-righteous, thinking he should topple God due to the "fact" he knew more than God. His refusal to discern his own traits caused his downfall, literally, to earth. Power and prejudice
Deep down inside we want to control others. We want to feel power over other people to make ourselves feel better. If we cut someone off in traffic, we feel we have made a conquest over the individual or bested them in some way. Once again, an attitude of superiority prevails. Another cause of offense stems from prejudice. Prejudices enter our lives from our youth. We look at a person's skin color or weight or background. Through our own former experiences, we may see a person negatively, thinking we know who they are before we really know them. Sound familiar? Handling offenses Thankfully, God forgives and demonstrates how we should react in everyday situations. Our older sibling, Jesus Christ, revealed in the pages of the Bible examples of how to react to offense. In Luke 7:36-50, Christ allows a woman, a sinner many times over, to wash His feet with her tears and anoint His feet with oil, then wipe them with her hair. The Pharisee watching this spoke within himself, saying, "This Man, if He were a prophet, would know who and what manner of woman this is who is touching Him, for she is a sinner." While others reviled this woman, Christ forgave her offenses, which "were many." As Jesus was hanging on the cross, His lifeblood slowly draining from Him, He didn't curse those who crucified Him. He'd been beaten, flogged and nailed, his flesh impaled to the cross. People spat upon Him, made fun of Him and screamed for His death. How did He respond? "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do" (Luke 23:34).
God also told us that love does not keep a record of wrongs. In 1 Corinthians 13, the "love chapter" of the Bible, we are shown how love suffers long, is patient and kind (verse 4). That is the key. If others offend, as they will, instead of being offended, ask God to help you forget the wrongs and forgive the person. We have all offended in our lives. Don't we want forgiveness when we have behaved in a wrong manner? We should, and God demands we extend forgiveness to others as well. In our own backyard We have discussed others offending us. We have talked about forgiveness. But we have not discussed what to do if the person who offended us resides in our own backyard, so to speak. What if the offender is a close relative, friend or acquaintance? In Matthew 18:15-17, we are told to go to our brother if something happens. Perhaps we have been offended when we did not see the situation clearly in the beginning. However, if a true problem exists, talk to the person. You will have gained a brother if he listens. If this does not work, contact a trusted friend to help mediate the problem. Don't give up on working the problem through. Reconciliation may take days, weeks or even years, but don't give up. With God, nothing is impossible (Luke 1:37). We must pray for His help to receive the ability to consistently forgive others. Our own human nature hinders our forgiveness of others. Genuine forgiveness comes only with God's help. Without God, no forgiveness can occur. Without being forgiving, we will not receive God's forgiveness. So, instead of pulling your own hair, go to God to discern the root of the problem. Ask Him to show more clearly what offense really exists and what is self-inflicted. Then, demonstrate the faith and will to do what is right, and in the process save your own scalp. Copyright 2003 by United Church of God, an International Association All rights reserved. |
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Origin of article "Are You Pulling Your Own Hair?"
Keywords: offenses forgiveness peacemaking
Making peace: