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Learning How to Bounce Back
By Linda LaBissoniere, M.Ed., Licensed Counselor

These three steps can help you defeat life's challenges and tap into the power of resilience.

onnie Cewe felt like a failure. She was a 29-year-old high school dropout on welfare, having just left a bad marriage. With two small boys to care for, it now seemed as if she would end up working minimum-wage jobs just to survive. However, Bonnie resisted the impulse to become a victim in her mind, and decided to take adult classes at her old high school to begin her educational journey to eventually become a lawyer. After a year of adult classes she graduated from high school and was accepted into Albertus Magnus College.

Bonnie struggled daily in caring for her boys, earning a living and pursuing her education. Six days before her senior year started, she was attacked and raped by an intruder in her apartment. Afterwards he forced her into the trunk of her own car with the intent to kill her. She was able to escape, and then spent three days in the hospital recovering from her injuries.

Take control of your own actions and focus on what you can influence. Don't allow yourself to become stressed over what you can't control.
Bonnie struggled with the trauma of what had happened. It would certainly have been easy just to focus on her pain, think of herself as a victim and give up. Instead, she forced the awful memories from her mind and returned her focus back to her lifelong goal. As a result, the following spring she graduated from college magna cum laude and was accepted into law school.

Certainly Bonnie Cewe's true story of "bouncing back," described in the book The Spirit of Courage, is an inspiring one. But when you and I face life's trials, what is our reaction? Are we able to continue growing? Are we able to find meaning in our difficulties or do we become "stuck" in a cycle of sadness, hopelessness and lethargy?

What character trait did Bonnie employ to overcome her obstacles and achieve her goal? She was able to tap into the powerful coping skill of resilience. Psychologists have found that people who employ the quality of resilience are able to rebound from much of what life throws at them and sustain their motivation and direction. Resilience is the ability to adapt in the face of trauma and life's ongoing trials.

How can you exercise resilience when you face life's troubles and challenges? Below are three steps to help you tap into the power of resilience.

1. Take control of your life

Take control of your own actions and focus on what you can influence. Don't allow yourself to become stressed over what you can't control. This involves taking responsibility for your own actions, feelings and thoughts. Resist the tendency to see yourself as a "victim" awaiting rescue by someone else. You can't always control what happens, but you can control how you react. Realizing this important fact is the first step to becoming resilient.

Resilient people learn to control their thoughts. The natural human reaction to trials is to be filled with negative thoughts. Many are never truly happy because they are unable to dispose of feelings of anger, hurt, guilt and other negative emotions. It is also important to find lessons in your circumstances. Instead of thinking of yourself as a failure when you make a mistake, realize it was an isolated event and learn from it. If it was not just a mistake but was a sin, go to God and repent. When God forgives us, we have to learn to forgive ourselves.

You have the ability to influence what happens in your life. Focus on your strengths and recall the times when you triumphed over misfortunes. Make peace with your past, and you will be able to move on to solving your problems.

2. Connect with others

The second key to developing resilience is to realize the importance of social cohesion -- or simply the need to feel part of a group. Studies have shown that resilient people find at least one other person to connect with. Bonnie Cewe had wonderful parents, friends and even her sons to strengthen and encourage her.

However, because many families today are fractured, you may feel lonely in your situation. You may even feel that you have no one to talk to about important matters. If you are in this situation, it is crucial that you focus on developing relationships. Being close to family or friends can help sustain you when life throws a "curveball."

Take the time to make and nurture close relationships.
In the long run, it is your relationships with other people and with God that will help you to find your footing again. Knowing this, make sure your focus in life is on more than your accomplishments. Take the time to make and nurture close relationships.

3. Find meaning and purpose in your life

People who have a purpose for their life find it easier to be resilient. Those who are able to find meaning in their misfortunes are more likely to find happiness in their future. Commit yourself to finding meaning and purpose in whatever is happening to you. Ask yourself if you can become a better person because of what you have experienced. Can you help and understand others more effectively?

People who have a purpose for their life find it easier to be resilient.
You may wonder how you can find purpose in your life. First realize that you are more than simply a physical and psychological being. You are also an emotional and spiritual creation. In determining your purpose, you must examine more than your goals for your physical life. You must search for your Creator and find out His purpose for your life.

How do you find God and how can you know His will for your life? The answer lies in reading the Bible, which is God's "instruction book" for mankind. For information on how the Bible can help guide your life, request or download our free booklets and

Understanding God's plan for mankind will help you know why we all suffer at times. Even Jesus Christ, who was perfect, learned obedience by the things that He suffered (Hebrews 5:8). You, too, can profit through suffering if you understand that your purpose is far greater than enjoying just the here and now.

Make contact with God through prayer and ask Him to reveal His plan for you. You were created to have a relationship with God. In that relationship you can attain great inner strength that will help you as you undergo misfortunes and even tragedies in life. You may have concluded that, since this world is in such disarray, there is no God or that God does not care. But I assure you it is possible to prove to yourself that God exists and that He has an ultimate plan for you. Knowing God's existence and His plans will give you peace, when many around you are in confusion. Please request or download our booklet

You can develop the quality of resilience to help you weather life's storms. Resilience can aid you in "bouncing back" from trials and enjoying life to the fullest. Recovering from your setbacks can lead to developing strengths and abilities that you never imagined. Tap into this wonderful power by taking control of your thoughts, connecting with others and finding meaning and purpose in your life through a relationship with God. By doing all this you will be able to tap into the vital power of resilience.

Copyright 2009 by United Church of God, an International Association All rights reserved.


Related Information:

Other Articles by Linda LaBissoniere
Origin of article "Learning How to Bounce Back"
Keywords: resilience overcoming personal example connecting purpose 

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Purpose of life: Key Subjects Index
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