Why Guilt Can Be Good

What comes to mind when you hear the word guilt? It's usually viewed as mentally and emotionally unhealthy and destructive-something we should never focus on or give place to in our thoughts. Probably thousands of articles and books have been written about how to turn around, overcome, release, treat and let go of guilt.

But the truth is, guilt isn't always a bad thing. Often it can be helpful.

Think about what it means to feel guilty. The standard dictionary definition of guilt usually runs along these lines:

"a sense of regret or responsibility for actions you believe were wrong, or over a negative outcome you think is your fault."

What you feel guilty about almost always relates to internalized, moral principles-standards or rules you know you should follow or obey but didn't. Your sense of guilt is the unsettled feeling of "I shouldn't have done that" or "I ought to have handled that situation differently," recognizing that what you did was wrong.

For Christians, guilt is often the result of having transgressed one of God's laws or precepts as outlined in the Bible. In other words, we feel guilt-or should feel it-when we sin. Maybe we know we should keep the Sabbath, but we don't. Perhaps we went back on a promise, gossiped about someone, or lied about a matter when we were confronted about it. Or we didn't tell the cashier about the item she neglected to charge us for in our shopping cart.

Most of us can relate to those examples. Romans 3:23 tells us, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." We've all violated God's laws and not always lived up to His moral standards, and have had reasons to feel guilt.

Human beings, of course, don't usually want to admit their mistakes. Some people will try to excuse their guilt by telling themselves, "What I did wasn't any different from what everyone else does," "I have my faults, but I'm an overall decent person," or "I've never deliberately hurt anyone."

But God wants us to acknowledge our wrongs and face our guilt-not suppress, deny or ignore it. There are plenty of biblical examples of God being pleased with people when they admitted their guilt and confessed their sins, and being displeased with human beings when they didn't. When we acknowledge our guilt, a lot of good can come out of it. Guilt can be constructive in these specific ways:

1. When it reminds us that there are definite rights and wrongs.

The way a lot of people relieve themselves of guilt is by rejecting all moral absolutes. Known as moral relativism, this philosophy is becoming increasingly common in modern society. Its adherents reject the existence of unchanging, objective standards for all of mankind to live by. They believe truth is something they can devise on their own, and that what's right or wrong varies from person to person and culture to culture. This is the thinking that goes: "What I did may have been wrong for you, but it was right for me."

It follows, then, that if you believe there are no absolute moral codes-that God's laws are not valid-then you cannot experience guilt when you've failed to adhere to them. Your conscience has been defiled (Titus 1:15), as you don't think biblical standards apply to you.

However, if we feel guilt when we've broken one of God's laws, it shows we have not gone the way of so many in society-that we still have a functioning conscience.

Guilt can help us identify what laws we failed to adhere to and motivate us to develop a moral compass in line with biblically based values. The apostle Paul set an example for other believers in stating, "I myself always strive to have a conscience without offense toward God and men" (Acts 24:16). Yet we know from reading Romans 7 that he stumbled at times. Having guilty feelings after we've sinned can help us see the value in obeying God's laws and why they are necessary, which helps us develop a conscience.

2. When it moves us to accept responsibility for our actions.

Another way people avoid feeling guilt is to blame others for their problems. For example, we might show disrespect to our parents but don't feel guilty about it because we consider them bad parents. We might steal supplies or inventory from our employer and think nothing of it because we think we're underpaid. We might resent a coworker for getting promoted and feel we've been shortchanged and should have been given the position, so we bad-mouth him and feel no guilt in doing so. The trouble is, as long as we see ourselves as victims, we will never feel guilt for our misdeeds.

The same is true if we try to "sweep our offenses under the rug" and pretend they didn't happen, or make excuses for why our behavior "really wasn't that bad." Not acknowledging our guilt is like ignoring the warning lights on a car dashboard; whatever is wrong will only create more pain the longer we refuse to deal with it. Our problems cannot be corrected until we take responsibility for what we did-and that requires acknowledging our guilt.

In contrast, when we feel guilty we will be more motivated to own up to our mistakes, willingly answer for our conduct and obligations, and bear the burden of what we have done. That is exactly what God wants us to do.

God says regarding Israel and Judah in Hosea 5:15, "I will return again to My place, till they acknowledge their offense"-or, as some translations render it, until they admit their guilt and take responsibility for what they did. Similarly, in Proverbs 28:13, we're told that "he who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy." Guilt can be good when it pushes us to confess our sins and take responsibility for them.

It should be noted that it's possible to admit guilt without feeling remorseful about it. I've heard people say things like, "I wear dresses that show too much skin, but what's the harm in that?" or "I sometimes drink more than I should-so what?" We need to make sure that when we admit our guilt, we're not allowing ourselves to justify bad behavior as "acceptable." Otherwise, we still won't see any reason to address our wrongdoings.

3. When it prompts us to seek God's forgiveness.

A guilty conscience can and should motivate us to seek God's forgiveness. God is quite aware of our sins. He wants to know that we're aware of them too, and that we are trying to overcome them and don't want them to be part of who we are. Numerous passages throughout the Bible make it clear that God will forgive us when we are truly sorry for what we have done and ask Him for forgiveness.

As 1 John 1:9 says, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." Psalm 32:5 states: "I acknowledged my sin to You, and my iniquity I have not hidden. I said, 'I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,' and You forgave the iniquity of my sin." Psalm 51:17 says we should have "a broken and a contrite heart" when we seek forgiveness, which essentially means that we are affected by guilt and deeply regretful for what we have done.

The Bible also makes it clear that without a sense of guilt, we won't see the need to ask God for forgiveness, which is a serious mistake. Proverbs 14:9 tells us, "Fools make light of the guilt that needs atonement" (Knox Bible).

Realize, too, that "feelings of guilt" don't always accompany the status of actually being guilty before God. Even if we don't feel guilty, we can still be guilty. We should be willing to listen to even faint guilt pangs we may have, because they can help us see the sins we'd been oblivious to and nudge us to seek God's forgiveness. And we should be studying the Bible to make sure we are living in complete harmony with His laws and principles.

4. When it drives us to repentance.

Not only can guilt help us see character defects, it can also be an impetus for us to make much-needed changes in our lives. Guilt can push us to examine ourselves, and prompt us to build right habits and stop doing what's damaging to ourselves or others.

Biblically, the term for this is repentance-meaning a change of attitudes and actions that leads to a new direction in life. Repentance involves far more than just feeling sad about what we did. It includes correcting our behaviors and habits that do not align with God's way of life.

The Bible clearly shows that there is a connection between guilt and repentance. In Acts 2:37, the people were "cut to the heart" (in other words, they felt guilt) after Peter's preaching and asked, "What should we do?" The answer given was to repent (verse 38). In 2 Corinthians 7:10 Paul writes, "Godly sorrow [or appropriate guilt] produces repentance."

Sometimes what we need to repent of seems rather mundane, but it's still important to correct. I've known people whose guilt feelings about not returning shopping carts to the cart corral or being ultra-cheap when tipping waiters eventually motivated them to be more conscientious about returning shopping carts and being more generous with servers at restaurants-which are certainly positive developments.

Other times, it's a more serious infraction. A friend went through a period in her life when she got so busy with work and other activities that she left no "quality and quantity prayer time." Instead, she tried to get by through saying short silent prayers in the car on the way to work.

"Finally I was feeling so guilty about it that it motivated me to cut back my work hours and other time commitments so I would have more time for prayer," she related. "I can't change the past, but I can work harder to make sure I don't repeat the same mistakes in the future. I know that's what God wants us to do."

5. When it prods us to apologize and make amends with others.

Guilt can also be constructive, even necessary, when we've treated other people badly. It's only when we genuinely feel regret or responsibility for hurting someone that we will be motivated to apologize to that person and take steps to restore the relationship.

This can be hard to do. Most of us don't like to admit when we're wrong. But the relationship will never be repaired and there will never be true harmony if the offending party does not take responsibility for the infraction and apologize.

The Bible confirms the importance of apologies in repairing damaged relationships. Jesus instructs us to make things right with those we've offended (Matthew 5:23-24). The apostle Paul said, "If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men" (Romans 12:18). Being at peace often requires making apologies.

If we've truly reflected on how our actions or words have negatively impacted another person, we should also be seeking ways to correct the situation or to repair any damage we may have done. This might include replacing something we broke, investing time in activities to rebuild trust, being more attentive, or just "going the extra mile" in easing the offended party's burdens. It's the nudge of guilt that sends us in this direction of rectifying. Certainly God is well pleased when we strive to put things right. Matthew 5:9 calls peacemakers "blessed."

Not all guilt is constructive

While guilt can be constructive in all the ways just noted, it can also be destructive if the feelings of guilt are unwarranted. For example, we might feel survivor's guilt when a tragedy befalls others and we come away unharmed. Or others might make us feel guilty when they try to pressure us into doing things for them that we don't want to do, which are really their responsibility. Destructive guilt can make us feel frustrated and hopeless, and put us in an overall negative mindset.

The most serious way guilt can be misused is if we continue to wallow in our guilt and obsess over what we've done after God has forgiven us. This is not what God wants. God is a loving Father who, after we've repented of our sins, promises to forgive our iniquities, blot out our transgressions and cleanse us from a guilty conscience (Psalm 103:12; Isaiah 43:25; Hebrews 10:22). God desires to forgive us so He can reconcile us to Him. We will never be able to grow spiritually and overcome our sins like God wants us to if we won't let ourselves move on from the mistakes we made in the past.

Moreover, Christ died an excruciating death to pay the penalty for our sins. If we continue to "beat ourselves up" for our misdeeds, even after we've been forgiven, it's as though we are not accepting or acknowledging our Savior's sacrifice-when we should be incredibly grateful for it. Thankfully, God will help us in this. "For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things" (1 John 3:20).

In closing, God wants us to pay attention to our guilt and allow those feelings of remorse to drive us to repentance and a better relationship with Him and with other people. Once God has forgiven us, we need to let go of that guilt. Addressing guilt pangs this way can only bring about very positive results.

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